What's On My HAPPY List Today??

1. My friend Misty is back in my life! She is truly wonderful and a breath of fresh air in my world and I am so happy I found her again!!
2. FACEBOOK!! It is the coolest, most rockin' thing ever and I can't believe how much fun it is and how many wonderful people it has brought back into my life!
3. My Tanita Scale. I know it's weird, but it is so freakin' accurate and it measures my water, bone and fat weight too, so I know exactly where I am at. (Sad, but it's true--I LOVE IT!)
4. My Bodybugg. Again, I know you are thinking, this girl has no life, but it helps me so much and takes the guesswork out of what is happening with my calorie intake. (Again, SAD.)
5. C.O. Bigelow Lipgloss. Again made the top 10, because it is truly a staple for this girl's lips!
6. Naps. I love naps so much and I don't get to take them very often, I treasure them.
7. My new absolutely GORGEOUS cashmere scarf I got at Banana Republic for a screamin' good price, because I waited until after Christmas to get it! LOVE!!
8. My puppies Zoey and Sophie. They are so sweet and so naughty and I am crazy about them!
9. My dear pal Andrea from Rhode Island called me out of the blue today and made me laugh so hard, I peed a little! I miss her so!!
10. Quilts. There is nothing more satisfying than finishing up a quilt filled with love and folding it up to be wrapped for someone I adore! Here is my latest creation....I made it for my trainer Todd, because he has done so much for me and frankly, has put up with all of my emotional nonsense and is still speaking to me! :)

These are a few of my favorite things!!

I tread on...

The FINAL Weigh In Of 2008.....AHHHHH.

Oh my Lord. It has been quite a year. I knew this was coming, but honestly, I've been so focused on this date or that one or this event...you get the picture, that it escaped me. So, today, I got up and did my usual get ready for the gym thing, and then I weighed and measured and Todd said,

"This is it." I didn't understand.

"This is what?"
"The last of 2008." Oh WOW.
Honestly, it didn't really hit me until I got out to the car and those words sank in. I have been doing 2 a days since September with this day in mind...and I forgot. I just started to weep. I was just so filled with gratitude and overwhelming relief, I couldn't contain it any longer. I must have looked like a complete nut case, but I honestly didn't care. This moment was a culmination of 18 months of blood, sweat and billions of tears, and I just needed a moment to let me let it sink in. 146 lbs. ago, I was pretty much resolved that I wasn't going to have any sort of happily ever after, because I couldn't do what it would physically or mentally take to make it happen. I was going to simply exist as long as the Lord saw fit to keep me here, and then...who knows? Now, please know I am not trying to sound as pathetic as it is coming out, but really, that was what was in my head. I had gone to that place and had determined that my life was going to be about serving others and my needs, well, let's just say I didn't even realize what they were because I was never going to be able to have the life I wanted in that body. Period. And then, I went on my dream cruise and met the cutest Romanian man I had ever dared to dream of and I came home determined to see him again....smaller. Whatever that size could be.

That day changed my life forever. Now, I am still friends with my Romanian (as I like to call him), but my dream of seeing him again never manifested itself. However, he truly changed my life, by giving my heart something I hadn't let in in a long time....hope. Ridiculous as it sounds, Alex gave me hope that I could have something good, and that lit a fire in me that has been burning brightly ever since. I had no idea in a million years where my life would go on from there, but thank goodness I had that dream when I did, because this year has kicked me hard every time I turned around, and sometimes the only thing in my life that was routine, was exercise. I used to laugh at that sometimes at the irony of it all. But, this downer story has a happy ending...at least for 2008. I weigh 209 lbs. today and I was measured all over this sagging body and lost significant inches, as well. I am now living my dream of shopping off the rack, I am living my life, not just existing, and I am determined to get to my goal weight and have a life that I can smile with honest to goodness SATISFACTION and someday, maybe I'll just find my Romanian and hug the stuffing out of him to thank him for inadvertently giving me my life back. (Maybe a little smooch too, who knows:) All I know is when the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, it will the first minute of a new year I am excited to see what happens next. I am so grateful for all the lessons I take with me from 2008. They have made me grow up a lot and realize I am worth the fight. To all the people that are in my life, have come into my life, or have popped back into my life.....Thank you for all the love, joy and laughter you bring to this girl's world. I am lost without you. Happy New Year.

I tread on.....

Look What I Got From Santa....Whoot Woo!!

So, I was opening my Christmas presents this year and I hadn't really asked for anything, because I really didn't need much. When you are a single gal with no kids....well let's just say if this Chica wants something....I go and buy it. I know it is a little selfish, but WHATEVER!! :) Anyhoo, we were all gathered to open presents and I opened this!! What the?? Now, I have wanted a Wii forever, because I am a total electronic nut, but I really couldn't justify it in my head, because I am a single gal and would I play the Wii to make it worth it?? Also, it seems to be the "Tickle Me Elmo" gift of the new millennium and I didn't want to exert the energy needed to get one. So, I was SHOCKED no STUNNED when Santa brought me one!! So fun!! AND, my electronic guru brother in law was here at the time so he set it right up for me. THEN....I opened my other big box and I found this!! WHAT?? I totally wanted the Wii Fit because I could actually use it to work out and the fit games would be fun and I would be able to burn calories!! WHOOT WOO!! I couldn't believe it!! First of all...who am I?? Secondly...Why am I excited about a fitness game? Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. But, here's the magical part of my story. This was the real "PINCH ME" moment of the night. I have always been the girl that has to look immediately at the weight limit of any activity or piece of furniture or ride....etc. to make sure I will be able to do it and most of the time....I can't. There is a weight limit on the Wii Fit and for a split second my heart dropped as it does when I read these words. But, when the sadness fog cleared, I actually read the weight limit and....DRUM ROLL PLEASE!! I am 118 lbs.LIGHTER than the limit!! I literally burst into tears. I am officially free of the weight limit demons and I can do almost ANYTHING this girl wants to do. It is truly a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!! I am so happy and feel so blessed for that moment, I will treasure this Christmas for as long as I live. I feel a little like Dr. King. I was screaming in my head...."Thank God Almighty I'm Free At Last!!" This year has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and this last week alone has been a real kick in the...you know, but for all the bad, there has been an overload of good and I am left with this huge sense of gratitude for all the lessons I've learned and all the blessings I've received. So, as I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, I hope my dear sweet friends know (new, old past and re found) how blessed I am to have you in my life. How I cherish the time we get t spend together. That I love and adore all of you so much. And, how I look forward to spending time with you in 2009. Thank you doesn't seem adequate to express what my friends bring to my life. You help me focus, gain perspective, fill voids that would otherwise crush my spirit, make me laugh until I pee a little and touch my heart until tears flow freely. My life would be an empty shell without my friends and I love you. Merry Christmas everyone. May 2009 bring love, peace, happiness, health and prosperity to you and your families and may we be able to spend more time together in the new year. God bless us, everyone. I tread on....

He Looks Nice Right??

So this is my friend Todd. He looks like a nice guy right? Well, he is....most of the time. But, I am now learning that when Todd "invites" me to a class he is running....I should run!! He is my trainer at 24 hr. Fitness and I got a cute text from him Friday inviting me to a little class at the gym Sunday @ 11:30 am. He said it would be fun....he lied. I was invited to....

BOOT CAMP!

This is a little what it looked like. Picture little old me.....SWEATING and my heart racing to about 1000 beats per minute to the soundtrack of Top Gun. The visual alone, makes me giggle now a little. I made it through, barely and I really haven't been able to sit down since. Has anyone reading this ever done a "Burpie", "Mountain Climbers" or a "Hello Dolly"? These are ridiculous activities thought up by the military to build up your heart. Interestingly enough, it affected my butt. Read between the lines people! I was not made to do walking lunges across a hard wood floor with my arms straight up in the air while Kenny Loggins is singing...."Playing with the Boys!"

It's just not right. I tread on... :)

So....What's New??

I am having the WEIRDEST week! Ups and Downs and topsy turvy. I know I've explained in previous posts my inability to control my emotions as of late, because of the whole "no cheeseburgers and fries" existence I am living, but this is ridiculous. One minute I am crying, the next laughing and I've lost count how many times I've fallen into the "Pit of Despair". So, really nothing should surprise me these days. I was mistaken. The snow.....who knew?? It has thrown me over the edge! I can't take it!! The trauma of worrying about the latest storm and what ICE lies beneath waiting to take me down! My clients have all forgotten how to drive in it and have scattered into the woodwork waiting for the spring thaw. I don't want to leave my house. I just want to stay home and stay safe. It is truly maddening!! I am not completing ANY of my Christmas errands and it is DECEMBER 17th people!! What has happened to me? I walk around like an old woman, desperately afraid I am going to fall down. Truly ridiculous. I drove the other night out to dinner with a friend and she mentioned she could walk there quicker!! It is like I've been taken over by a 90 year old woman and my senses have completely left me! Again I say....what the?? I have no explanation for this phenomena, but it must stop, or I will have to move away from this arctic tundra!! I just watched the weather and felt a little nauseous, because this whole week leading up to Christmas is supposed to be snowy. I need help. I tread on.....This is what I apparently will be treading with.....I've become a wuss. Sad.

M&M's are EVIL!!

So, I was just minding my own business waiting for a phone call this morning, when....what is that? Oh. An open bag of peanut M&M's. Man I love them! I haven't had M&M's in a long time....Crunch, crunch. Damnit!! I had 12! (They were delicious btw) Why did I do that?

1. Because I wanted them BAD!
   
2. Because the bag was already open....


3. Because there was little chance I wouldn't eat them, because I am a crack whore!!


4. :)

So, the moral of this story is....the good news....I ONLY ate 12. The bad news....I cannot be trusted with peanut M&M's anywhere in the room! I tread on....

This is what I would look like if I had access to open M&M containers all the time!

Meet Crissy M&M!!

'Tis The Season To Decorate A 9 Ft. Christmas Tree!!

So....this is how I spent my afternoon.....decorating a "Festival of the Trees" tree for my Mom. This is her MOST favorite thing I do for her during the Christmas season. She absolutely loves it and I.....well? How do I put it delicately? HATE IT! Have you ever tried to decorate a 9ft. tree when you are 5'4" tall and scared, no petrified of heights? I sweat a little all year when I think of it! Truthfully, I though worrying about a live tree drying up an starting the house on fire was bad, because she wanted to sleep by it and have the Christmas lights on ALL NIGHT! But, my Lord, this huge monster wasn't even on my radar when I jumped for joy at the idea of a pre-lit Christmas tree!! So, off she went 4 years ago and brought home "Big Bertha" as I lovingly refer to her and I have been living the dream ever since. I didn't tell her today was the day and when she got home today.....WHOA MAMA!! Was she ever excited!! It is worth it for her face to light up, but I'll tell ya, not the easiest task for a girl that likes to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Anyhoo, now she can have a very Merry Christmas and come mid March when she is ready to FINALLY take it down, the sisters can deal with it!! My job is done. It is pretty cute though....I'm just sayin.......I tread on.

My First Injury....I'm Sad.

So, I FINALLY found a cardio workout that I love! Thank you Lord!! And, I found I am pretty good at it. One problem. It doesn't love me. It is what I like to call a "teaser". These come into my life with regular fashion and frankly, I hate them! I love interval training on the treadmill. I even discovered a special button on the treadmill that lets me switch over from my "jog speed" to "run speed" with one touch of a button. Here's the problem.....my knee HATES interval training and let me know on Wednesday, just how much! I am not taking it well. I, unfortunately, shared with my trainer Todd that my knee was bothering me, and he was concerned. OY VEY!! So, he thought I should stop training on the treadmill for awhile (my SECOND banishment of the year) until it felt better. Then, he worked my legs on Wednesday. Not good is all I can share of the experience because this is a PG-13 blog. Then, I got nervous because my weekly weigh in was on Friday. You see, interval training does many things for me:

1. Burns a stinking load of calories!
2. Makes me feel strong as my times improve!
3. Helps me train for my 5K's!
4. Makes me actually ENJOY going to the gym to do cardio!
5. Hurts my knee :(

So, with the weigh in eminent....I ignored my trainer and did interval training on Thursday morning, not knowing Todd was coming in early on Thursday morning, as well. Let me re-live that little conversation for you....

• Good Morning Todd! (Hobbling over to his desk)
• Good Morning. (Frowning face) How's the knee? (still frowning)
• Fine. A little sore.....grimace!
• Why were you doing interval training?
• What do you mean?
• Crissy, you realize that the area in front of the cardio equipment in completely clear and I can see you when you work out don't you? You also realize the stairmaster I asked you to work on is in the front of said clear area, don't you?
• Why are you here so early anyway?
• Crissy, you do realize that I tell you not to do interval training so that your knee can heal and you won't injure it further, don't you??
• Yes Todd.
• So....why were you doing interval training?
• Because I like it better and my weigh in is tomorrow and because I HATE the stairmaster and I thought my knee hurting was a fluke thing and it would be better today.
• How is your knee? (serious frowning occurring now)
• It hurts still, but I got through my workout. Isn't that the most important thing?
• No.
• No?
• No. The most important thing to me is you don't really hurt your knee and cause an injury that may require you to not workout at all. What seems to be the most important thing to you is doing what you want to do, instead of listening to me, as your trainer.
• Are you mad?
• Yes. No, I'm not mad. Let's say disappointed. OUCH!
• OK Todd. I won't do anymore interval training. I promise.
• And what are you going to do instead?
• The stairmaster.
• I have your word?
• Yes.
• Good. You know I am only doing this because I want you to succeed. This isn't a punishment. I am concerned about your knee.
• I know. Thank you for caring. I appreciate it. (thinking....this sure feels like a punishment)

So, I'm doing the stairmaster now. Oh my Sweet Lord. I really immensely dislike the stairmaster and the worst part is, he used guilt on me. And he isn't even my Mother. And....it worked. UGH. Keep my knee in your prayers. It does feel a little better. I'd finish with I tread on, but I've been banned.......AGAIN.

A Weekend Of Friends.....I Love It!

What a fun weekend I just had!! I spent this weekend with friends and I loved it!! I caught up with old friends I haven't seen in so long and I forgot how much I love these people, and it felt so good to see them again!! I started my weekend with my darling nephew Brett getting baptized and it was so neat!! He was so nervous and right before he went into the water, he announced...."Well, here we go!!" and I about peed a little!! He is such a crack up! Then I raced over to my friend Heather's house, to a Pampered Chef Party to see some pals I haven't seen in about 18 years. It was so great to see these girls and catch up and gossip! I loved it!! Until the yearbook came out and my 80's bangs became a subject of great merriment!! Whatever. It was so nice to see them all and we have planned a once a month gather and I am psyched to hang with the girls on a regular basis. Then, I was doing various Christmas activities today, and my phone rings and.....it was my cutie patootie pal from Romania Alex who I secretly have had a crush on for a year and a half wanting to catch up! I love him and we visited for a long time. It was great!! THEN, if my weekend wasn't super duper fun already, I drove to Bountiful to see my dear pal Misty, another high school friend and fellow TWILIGHT OBSESSED FAN who dropped back into my life, made me a delicious dinner and I got to meet her absolutely darling family who I love already!! We talked and talked and it was so nice! I love her and I am so glad we are back in each other's lives. (Not to mention the fact that her kids LOVED the cookies I brought and Paige told me my cookies were straight from cookie heaven!!) Needless to say, I feel truly blessed to have such amazing people pop back into my life just when I needed a boost. It was an awesome weekend, aside from the hair comments :) All I can say is I am one lucky girl. I tread on......

Shopping.....OFF THE RACK @ EDDIE BAUER!!

What the?? Seriously, where is the camera?? I don't honestly know who's life this is, but I'M KEEPING IT!! HA HA!! I am going to my darling nephew's baptism tomorrow, and one of the unexpected annoyances of weight loss is....I don't fit in anything for very long. Not a complaint, mind you....just annoying when you have to make an appearance at a function of importance, and you have nothing in your closet but yoga pants and tee shirts. It tends to put a damper on say.... baptisms!! So, I was out and about helping my pal Kate find a white dress for a party she is going to tomorrow night (BTW, very annoying to find a white dress AFTER Labor Day :) and we were at the mall feeling defeated because we couldn't find such a dress, and I remembered I needed a top for the said baptism. So, I started to scan the mall for a Lane Bryant, my go to store for such items. Well, South Towne Mall doesn't have a Lane Bryant. So, we started walking around and then I saw Eddie Bauer. I like Eddie Bauer, but I have never bought ANYTHING in there except a travel purse in my life. But, I thought, we'll have a look just for kicks. In we go and I spy a table with some beautiful sweaters. Honestly, I don't even know what possessed me to look there, because I convinced myself it wouldn't happen, but I walked over, pulled out what I HOPED would be my size and Oh My Sweet Lord.....IT FIT!! I about peed in my pants!! It is so cute and it fit me!! WHEW HEW!! I didn't even check the price, I bought it there on the spot! I can't wait to wear it tomorrow. What a day to be me. I also had another weigh in today......drum roll please......I lost 5 more lbs. I am officially 217.5. I don't know why or how this is continuing to work for me or where the fire inside is coming from, but damn it, I am soo happy about it I could bust something!! There. I said it out loud. Maybe it is finally my turn. Thank goodness. I just had to share. It was an exceptionally good day. I tread on.....

Ever Felt Like A Drug Addict @ A Rave??

So....it's the holiday season.....you know tis the season.....blah blah blah! I get invited to a cookie swap. Sounds good, right? Lots of cute ladies getting together for the holiday season and sharing their baking talents and lots and lots of......COOKIES! Oh my Lord!! What was I thinking?? The panic set in at about 10:30 am when I started making my 3 dozen cookies. They looked delicious and suddenly I started licking my fingers. OOPS. Then they started smelling delicious.....OOPS. Then, I had tried a new recipe and had to try one to make sure they were ok.....OOPS. Can you see where I'm going with this?? Not a good place for a cookie crack whore to go. Really. My good pal Diana is such a marvelous hostess and her friends were soo sweet and her house was so darling and her kids were adorable as ever.....but I was truly focused on the cookies! I am so glad no one could read my mind, because I would have truly been embarrassed!! It was pathetic really. All this time I thought, OK I've overcome this feeling of true love with food. I'm good now. Cured, really. HA I say!! It took one cookie outing and I feel like I need to go to LE CIRQUE Lodge with Lindsay Lohan to rehab!! Do they have cookie rehab?? I guess if Isaiah Washington can go for his feelings on Gay people, surely there is a Mrs. Field's Lodge for me right?? Seriously, people.....I was freaking out!! I just wasn't prepared for it and I was scared. But, I survived by the skin of my teeth and only ate one cookie. WHEW!! It was a close call because I was surrounded by delicious cookies and it wasn't looking good for me. It was a nice party though and next year when I go, I am gonna be at my goal weight and then look out cookie monster.....there's a new girl in town!! I tread on.....

Imagine If You Can.....

So, I've had a little trouble lately. I am COMPLETELY burned out on my gym!! Love everyone there, mind you. But, my 2 a days which were so great and empowering 3 months ago.....have lost their magic. It truly has become a battle of wills to get me there and when I get to it, I am pissed off the whole time! Let's just say....I'm over it. Now, I am truly grateful for the amazing progress I've made over the past year!! Totally enthralled, overjoyed, stunned really by what I've been able to accomplish. But, I'm fried. So, this morning I showed up for my Monday standing date with my adorable trainer Todd and he asked the wrong question. (He had no idea)

"So....how's it goin'?"

That's all it took. The flood gates opened and for 35 minutes of my 55 minute appointment, I shared my feelings on the subject. Poor guy.

But, here's the great thing. He pulled a rabbit out of his hat and gave me such good advice, that my attitude TOTALLY turned around, almost in an instant, and if I wasn't positive before, which I was, I am completely convinced I have the most AWESOME trainer on the planet!!

Here's what he said. "Imagine if you will let yourself, the woman you want to be. Your goal "you" if you will. Really study her. What is she like? What will she do? Who will she be? Stop looking at the task at hand and focus on her. You at your goal weight. How will your life be different? Now, when you are struggling through a workout, or a situation you are uncomfortable with....Think.... How would the woman you'd LIKE to be, DO the things you are about to do? And don't do it like you today, visualize how empowered you'll be then and behave like her!"

HE IS A GENIUS!! I know it sounds simple, but today, I acted like her and I was a maniac!! I love her so much better than me! I can't wait to be her all the time. And in the meantime, I have more visualizing to do. Hope is a dangerous thing, but I am going to try to work this whole angle, because I feel excited to see what I can do next! I tread on......

Black Friday....ignored.

Well, for the first time I didn't participate in Black Friday. I know to all of you that know me, this is a sad thing. I really enjoy it, actually. The chase for the bargain.....the thrill of getting some "must have" item at a ridiculous price....waiting in line with all the unwashed masses....meeting up with friends and family and using your cell phone as a walkie talkie to let them know you found a certain item you are sure they want. I know it is sick a little, but dammit I enjoy it!! So, this year, because my focus is on other things, I forgot. I made other plans and didn't even put 2 and 2 together until....it was too late. So, I had to cancel with family and friends and deal with the knot in my stomach that was aching for....shopping.

But, you know what?? I lived through it. Oddly enough, I survived. I accomplished everything I needed to and even had a little time left over after I worked, and I DIDN'T go shopping. I was a little concerned at my lack luster enthusiasm over the whole thing, but then I realized, PERHAPS I am evolving (a smidgen) and I didn't need the hunt to be complete. WHAT!! Who is this girl?? I am perplexed by this development. I don't quite understand it, but the way the year has rolled out for me, I can't say I am stunned. Anyhoo, I had a nice day, in spite of the small knot that lingers still. I hope everyone that did participate in Black Friday got all the bargains they were on the hunt for. I hope you were smacked with old lady's carts and items were snatched out right out of your hands!! And, I hope you headed out with victorious grins on your faces and had a DELICIOUSLY FATTENING breakfast afterward to celebrate another successful beginning to your holiday season!! (MAN!! That sounds awesome!! :) I tread on...

I Am Thankful

Today, was probably the best Thanksgiving I've had in awhile. Honestly, I know this sounds sad, but Thanksgiving is really a hard day for me usually. I love my family, but they have always kind of depended on me as the "buffer" or the "go-to" for everything, and it doesn't leave much time or energy left for me. I typically get up, become the cleaning lady to get the table and kitchen ready for "guests", the sous chef for my mother so I have to chop, stir, mix and get everything ready and then serve dinner and clean up after because the married sisters are off to the in-laws to be served again. In the midst of all of this, my Mom will not worry about the fact she is a diabetic and will get a low blood sugar attack, which will cause her to behave like a giant grizzly bear with a thorn in it's paw, one or more of my siblings will pick a fight with each other and my nephews will get bored and start to make trouble so someone will pay attention to them. I know, everyone would like an invitation to next year's festivities!!

But, this year was totally different. I planned ahead and got everything in motion, so that I could do what I wanted to do, and still be a productive member of the Olpin family. I told everyone my plans, I asked my sisters to come over beforehand to help my Mom, so she wasn't stuck doing everything, and you know what?? IT WORKED!! It was truly a miracle. I got up early and went in the rain to run/walk the Utah Human Race 5k, and it was fun!! I took my friends Amy and Kate and met some others there and it was great!! First of all, it was really wonderful to see how many people did the 5k for the Food Bank. Second, I jogged my little heart out and got my best time ever of 39 minutes! Then, I grabbed a granola bar and a banana and off I went to 24hr. Fitness to do a "Boot Camp" my darling trainer Todd put on for anyone who wanted to do it. Now, let me just say, if me attending this little activity doesn't prove my deep love and affection for Todd, I don't know what will, because it was truly awful! Boot Camp isn't for sissies and I now have 10,001 reasons not to join the military! But, I got through it and supported Todd and off I went home to shower and get ready for dinner. I got home and my sister Kate was there helping my Mom and they were having a wonderful time! It was awesome. I jumped right in to help with the finishing touches and even got a yummy nap before I put on my size 18 jeans and headed up for the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner!! I don't know if it the fact that I've eaten pretty much nothing but nuts and berries for the past year, but that dinner rocked it big time and I didn't over do it, so I felt OK about the extra scoop of stuffing!

It really was a wonderful day and I am so grateful for so many things. This year has been a rocky one, but in other ways, the most fulfilling to me. I have learned so much about what I am really made of and how I can overcome obstacles that I believed were impossible. I've been humbled by so many things and have really come to hone in on things that were being neglected that I needed to address in my life and I have been so fortunate to reconnect with many many people I have missed terribly and that has been the best thing that has happened this year! (OK, fitting in an 18 was pretty frickin' amazing too!! I can't deny that :) I am really surrounded by wonderful people and I am so blessed in this life and I am finally able to open my eyes and recognize it better. So, to all of my friends (old, new and reacquainted) Thank you for always supporting and loving me even if I am a little crazy sometimes. I love you all and this life wouldn't be worth a hill of beans without you. Happy Thanksgiving. I tread on.....

TWILIGHT IS HERE!!

I don't know what life was life before Stephenie Meyers came into our lives. All I know is I am ready for my Edward. (Audible Sigh!) I tread on......

And the verdict is.....Size 18 Jeans Fit!! Whoot HOO!!

What the?? I am truly at a loss here. I just put on a pair of size 18 jeans.......standing up without huffing and puffing!! I just didn't think this was possible. I am 22 lbs. away from the 1's. To most people getting on the scale and seeing 222 lbs. would be frightening, but honestly, I wanted to jump for joy and scream hale-frickin-lueigh!! I am a woman on a mission and everyone thinks I am absolutely nuts, but I don't care!! I have warned my trainer Todd that he needs to be prepared for the weigh in day that is coming.....sooner than later.....because I've told him I am gonna tackle him and probably kiss him on the lips!! (it doesn't hurt that he is totally hot either!! :) But, that is beside the point!! He has assured me that he is working out faithfully so I don't hurt him when this occurs!! :) I love him most of all because he doesn't even bat an eyelash at my madness and puts up with all my nonsense!! Anyhoo, I just had to share. I tread on.....GO UTES!!

I'm Over It Today!!

I'm Tired!!

This picture really captures my mood today! I am just tired. There is no other explanation for my love affair with my bed today. I just have no "get up and go" and I have loads to do! I think my gym life is catching up with me. But, I can see the other side of the rainbow, so I've got to keep going. Where is the Energizer Bunny when you need him? I can remember a time when I had no energy for a totally different reason. UGH. I've got to pull it together here. My upcoming week is crazy and I've got no time to delay.....maybe I'll feel up to all my activities after a small nap.......That sounds yummy. I'll tread on......in a bit. :)

5K Mania Continues......

So, this new life I'm leading.....who is she? This girl has made exercise a PRIORITY and feels guilty when she misses one of her 2 a days!! This girl actively tries to add VEGETABLES to her diet and is trying new low fat recipes everyday! This girl has 2 blind dates set up in the next month.......WHAT? I haven't been on a "date" since 1995! (Sad, but true) This girl did her 7th 5K of the season and shaved off another 5 & 1/2 minutes off her best time and RAN every 2 minutes throughout the entire thing! (This girl took a serious nap after!!)

I can honestly say, I don't recognize who I am becoming and just have to go with the flow everyday, to see where it takes me. I can't plan too far ahead, because frankly, I scare myself to death. I don't know how to be me sometimes. I don't even know if this makes sense, but when you've lived most of your life for others, because you didn't believe true satisfaction and happiness was within your reach, these feelings of hope and joy, are a foreign language. My trainers have been telling me for almost a year, that I was capable of these feelings, but I honestly haven't believed them. It was too much to wish for. Hope is a dangerous thing in my life. My poor trainer Todd never knows who is going to sit across from him, because my coping mechanism of over eating has been eliminated from my life, so I am just living "raw" all the time and can pretty much cry on cue. I'm hoping in the coming year, I will be better able to deal with the little tragedies that come up in life better. My sadness over them seem to be a little shorter, so I am hopeful. Yoga is my new idea for helping my stress level.

The reason I post today is, I am so terribly grateful for all of my experiences this year, good and bad. I have learned some extremely valuable lessons, that have transformed my life in immeasurable ways. I am so grateful for the old friends who have come back into my life, the new friends I have added to my "core" group this year, the friends who continue to show me what true friendship really means and for my family who don't quite know what to do with me, frankly, and love me anyway. I don't have any idea where my life is taking me on this wacky journey, but one thing is for sure.....the old me is finally at peace with herself and is watching intently to see where the new me leads her. 125 and counting....I tread on.

Another Lifetime Ago :) 355 lbs.

An Unexpected Surprise!

So, my pal Stacy started using Facebook and emailed me about looking at her Facebook page. Seemed easy enough, so I agreed. But, in order to look at her profile, I had to join Facebook. UGH. I have so may things I have to constantly keep up on, I just didn't have any interest in "joining" another way to connect, because it wasn't relevant in my life. But, I had told her I would look, so I did it. What the?? Then, my dear long lost friend Kari passed away, and I was left with this tug at my heart about all these friends I had lost track of soo many years ago. It is interesting how Heavenly Father works through others to help you find what is missing. I have had the most wonderful thing happen. I have reconnected with soo many lost friends on Facebook! It is fantastic and even though we have aged.....my memories are as vivid as if they were yesterday and all these people who meant so much to me long ago, are BACK! Yeah!! I have had a ball starting to catch up and see where lives have taken them and I have to say...they all look great!! It may be the happiness of these reunions that is clouding my judgment, but they do and I am thrilled to know what has happened and for once, I am actually looking forward to my 20th reunion that is approaching faster than I care to admit. This year has been such a roller coaster ride. It is hard to believe it is almost over. I am left with hard lessons learned, regret, overwhelming joy and happy times I didn't think were possible. 2008 has been a definite year to remember. I am so grateful for so many things, but one thing is for sure. There is always room for more friends in my life and heart. Thanks Stacy! I tread on.....

My Childhood Friend......Kari Lynn Howard Remembered

I was having just a normal everyday Wednesday yesterday, when I received a very sad phone call. It was a long lost friend I hadn't talked to since high school. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from her, but it was only a moment. I asked how she was doing and she said, "Not very good" and started to cry. I was stunned to learn a friend who I've known my whole life practically, had passed away in her sleep yesterday morning. Kari Howard, truly one of my favorite high school friends, who was sweet and funny and genuine, had been struggling with severe migraines and had had surgery the day before to relieve her pain, had gone to sleep Tuesday night and her father couldn't wake her the next morning. I felt so sad for Heather, my other high school friend, because she and Kari had remained close, and for Kari's girls. She had a 10 year old and a 6 year old. I also felt sad for me. I felt sad that so much time had gone by and I have let so many friendships that were so crucial to my emotional state in school, go as soon as our graduation gowns were taken off. I truly loved Kari when we were in school and she was a friendship I cherished. But, time got away from me as it does so often and life takes you in different directions. High School was very hard for me. It was a place I struggled to fit in. It was a place where kids could be cruel and a lot of us misfits just wanted to survive. I graduated and ran as fast as I could away. I have many regrets about the friendships I also left behind. Because, even though it was a very hard place to be, I had some really wonderful experiences there too and had some amazing friendships, as well. So, as I say goodbye to Kari, my hope is I learn from her and maybe try harder to reconnect with some of those wonderful people I survived high school with. I hope all the ghosts of Murray High are finally buried for me and it isn't too late for happy new beginnings. I believe there are still good times to be had with old friends. Goodbye Kari. God bless your way. I tread on.......

What's on my Happy List Today?

I am a total thief with this one, but I love it so thanks Misty and Andrea! I woke up this morning happy. So, before I stepped out into the world and someone pissed me off or stepped on my toe...you get the picture...I wanted to appreciate the mood!

1. I am leaving tomorrow for a cruise!! Whoot Whoo!!
2. I've lost an additional 2 pounds that were unexpected!! 113 and 87 to go. My pal Amy Just started with my trainer and she lost 4.5 lbs. in the first week!! I am so proud of her I could bust something! Go Todd....Go Todd!!
3. I have the greatest, most wonderful, most beautiful (inside and out) friends a girl could ask for, and I love each and everyone of them dearly. I am soo blessed.
4. I love my job! I really do and I love where I work too, which hasn't been the case in the past. Even with the really complicated women I work with. I love each of them for who they are and we seem to make a good fit.
5. I have a lovely family, even though I am convinced we are all nuts! I am finally in a good place with each of them and I love it!!
6. My baby sister surprised me last night with a mini makeover at her house, just because she knew I wanted one and didn't have time to go to the mall. So cute, I almost cried a little.
7. My toes are painted a smashing color of pink with little flowers on them. The color is called La Pazatively Hot and they are!!
8. I am already packed. (Not a small miracle, I can assure you!)
9. I am going to the funnest piano bar tonight to start my trip off with a bang!
10. My new pixie cut is SUPER CUTE!! Thanks Karen!! :)

I am so blessed. I forget that sometimes and it is a tragedy really, because I think I am missing out on some really good blubbery happy cries and smiles. I really need to remember this fact, because there are so many people that have it so much harder than me and I am such a whiner sometimes!! One of my resolutions (early) for next year. Anyhoo, one more day of work and then....let the party begin!! Halla!! FYI: this is my newest and favorite quote from my all time favorite show.....The Biggest Loser. "You are one breath away from being ANYTHING you want to be....stop holding it!!" I love Jillian, even though I would kill myself if she were my trainer. I am ready to exhale. I tread on....

Final Pre-Cruise Tally.......

Well, I leave for my "skinny cruise" on Saturday. I cannot believe it is finally here!! I have worked so hard and I wish this year hadn't been so stressful and I could have accomplished EXACTLY what I wanted to, but, I am very happy with my results. I weighed in for the final tally this morning and the final number before I step on the ship is.......111 lbs! I am very happy with that. I truly feel like a different person in a lot of ways and the same in others, but I don't think I will be the biggest girl in the room anymore, unless I am at an anorexia convention, so I am glad!! I can't wait to post when I get back!! Hopefully, I will have had sooo many new adventures, that I will have loads to share. I appreciate all of my friends and family who have supported my quest, and I am excited to see what happens next......Stay tuned. :)

Here Comes The Bride.....

Want to see what I did this weekend?

My gorgeous cousin Eileen got married on the beach in Florida! Oh my gosh, she was stunning!! My cousin that was never going to get married......HA! It was so much fun to see everyone and catch up! It was a quick weekend, but well worth the trip! Besides the fact I almost starved to death, because if there is one thing my family does well, it is eat and they know how to do it right~~Good Lord do they ever!! Here are a few pics of the wedding and the fam.

I love them all so much!!

This is me in my cute kind of "trampy" dress that showed off a little too much of my "girls" and my adorable cousin Becca who I refer to as "Trucker Jane" because let's just say she's got a bit of a potty mouth. I love her!! :)

This was the gazebo she as married on right on the beach! Soooo Dreamy a Local!

Can you imagine a more romantic spot??

The limo dropped them off to walk down the aisle. Such fun and my aunt was a total knockout!!

Sooo beautiful!

My aunt who just isn't sentimental was crying like a baby! It was adorable!!

This is my 2nd cousin Avery who is the cutest little kid I've ever seen! She is so stinkin' cute!! She stole the show!! Watching my cousin Jay with her made me cry. He is such a great dad!

This is her Daddy my cousin Jay. I adore him!! He and I are only 3 months apart in age and just about every story about our childhood together starts with....do you remember when you and Jay got into trouble doing this??

Me and Jay.

Me and Mama. Oh....look the "girls" are coming out of the dress again! My bad!! I had such a great time except for the starving part. Let me show you what I lived on for 4 days.....

Yum-O! UGH!!

I Have No Life!!

So....I've reached a whole new level of no life these days. Again, realizing there are MANY others who have much more difficult lives than mine. But, seriously, I am a bit concerned that I need to diversify my interests just a wee bit. Here are some examples that are causing my to fret.....

1. This is my latest accessory that I am wearing with every outfit--day and night. It is a body bugg and it measures all the calories I burn at all times. (The sad thing is I love it and love the control it gives me to know exactly what my body is burning!)
2. I am going on vacation to Florida on Friday to see my lovely cousin get married and I actually called the hotel I am staying in to make SURE they had a gym I could work out in and what the hours were!
3. I have stocked my suitcase with meal replacement bars in case I get into a situation where I can't count the calories to put into my beloved body bugg.
4. I have done 2 (count em') 2 a day workouts for the last 2 weeks to prepare to see my family again. (Yes I said twice a day)
5. I am walking around like an old woman and each pain I can tell you EXACTLY how I got it and what exercise my trainer made me do to achieve this level of pain.
6. I have made my trainer PROMISE he will answer each and every emergency call I make while out of the state.

I believe I have reached the obsessed state and I need help! I need to get a life and stop making friends at the gym. I don't think it is healthy to try and be this healthy. Do they deal with these issues on Celebrity Rehab or Intervention?? Help Dr. Drew!! :) I bike on.......

You Know Those Emails??

Everyone that has email access is inundated with forwards. Right? I know I am! UGH!! It is so aggravating sometimes. You open up an email from a friend or family member and it takes you 5 minutes to find the ACTUAL email and then you see......it is some cheesy joke sent around 8 million times or vote for your favorite pie...you get the picture. But this morning, I received one that I actually read and it touched my heart. If all of us would live this way, just try to imagine how much better our world would be. I had to share it. I wish this for everyone I love. May we find happy today.

St. Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

Remembering Dreams....

As I sit here, sore pretty much head to toe, again in not so attractive gym clothes, I ponder. If I think back to my youth (because today I feel the age of the crypt keeper) did I ever imagine that my life would be consisting of working, working out, cleaning, laundry, taking out the garbage, helping my mother with 5000 tedious jobs a week and sleep? I think my dreams were a bit grander back then. I believe my plan was to marry @ 23. Have kids @ 28 and live happily ever after. (I am at this moment sticking my tongue out and making an appropriate sound effect) But, I also never dreamed I would be surrounded by such wonderful people and frankly, I didn't think I would have ever had the discipline to be on a diet for 9 months and be succeeding, either.

The reason I bring this up, is, I had a really crappy day yesterday. I can't put a finger on what exactly was the problem, but I was certifiably grumpy, and I couldn't shake it, no matter how I tried. My trainer, I'm sure, went home and had an adult beverage after working with me yesterday. He is all about auras and feelings and "sensed my melancholy aura" during our workout. I believe I told him to back off. Not nice, I agree and I did apologize later, but one of the downsides of being the "life of the party" in most situations is there is no hiding a foul mood from others and my "melancholy aura" didn't want to be recognized! I guess with the world the way it is right now, it is so hard to find joy. Everyone is walking around with their own fears and issues and I can only imagine if there are telepathic people in the world, how many of them are jumping off bridges to escape all the whining!

But, the good news is there is always someone in your life, that can bring you out of your funk! Yesterday, it was my sister, who I went to the gym with and sympathized with my "bicycle cardio purgatory" and rode one with me, while attempting to grade papers at the same time. The facial expressions alone were worth the pain I endured on my butt! She and I have decided to form a secret society of dieters, called the skins. She cracks me up and I truly felt better afterward. I just hope that if any of my pals are in the pit of despair, and need a lift, I will be able to pay it forward!! I am available. :)

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things......

So, I've seen this on several blogs and I think it is darling (thanks Andrea & Misty!) So, I thought I would do my version. Here are some"things" I simply don't want to live without! C.O. Bigelow Lip Gloss!
I love this product so much I should have stock in the company! I have it in every color, flavor and strength! I am a little obsessed with it and frankly am OK that I am. It is awesome and I will simply die if they ever stop making it!

McDonald's Cheeseburgers!
With every "crack whore" comes her personal crack den and McDonald's is it for me! I am still in love with the 2 cheeseburger combo with a diet coke and I always will. I am no longer able to eat there, but it makes me happy just the same to know it is still there, if and when I ever need a "fix!"

Ryka Shoes!
A must have for girls that work on their feet all day and go to the gym at night. Comfy, stylish and take a licking and keep on going....and going....and going. I adore these shoes and have many pairs.

Very Irresistible by Givenchy!
Such a beautiful fragrance and I don't wear perfume very often, but this is my signature scent when I do. Love it!


Gerard Butler!

Favorite & Hottest actor!! He had me at Hello in P.S. I Love You and he was dead in most of the movie! Don't care. Love love love him!!

Cork, Ireland! (Kinsale)
My most favorite place I've ever been and would move to tomorrow, if everyone I loved didn't live in the U.S. Magical, breathtaking and my DNA sang "you are home" the whole time I was there! (It didn't hurt that a certain adorable Romanian toured Ireland with us, so I could stare at the countryside and then him, all day)!!

Rascal Flatts!

Favorite band ever!! They are amazing and I love everything they sing! Their harmonies make me weep and they are adorable to boot! Can't go wrong, even if they are country!!

Need I say more?? Wicked!

The most amazing, wonderful musical and it grabs you in the heart and won't let go! I was privileged to see it in London and I will never forget that night as long as I live! It is coming to Salt Lake next April and I would love to get a bunch of ladies to see it together! Let me know.

White Socks!
There is nothing I love better than a fresh new white sparkly clean pair of white socks! I am obsessed with them, and replenish my stock on a regular basis.

So there you have it. I know the list is a little random, but these truly are a few of my favorite things!

Little Bear.....off to the woods!

So, my darling, adorable, hysterical nephew was reading a Little Bear book the other day. In this adventure, Little Bear goes off to explore the woods all by himself. My sister Corey, his mom, says to him, "Brett what do you think of Little Bear leaving to go out on his own?" To which Brett replies without a blink....."Well Mom, I guess Little Bear finally had to leave his house and get a life!" Then, she stifles a giggle and asks, "Honey, are you excited to go out into the world?" And again, without pause he says, "Mom, eventually I have to move out and get a house too, but don't worry.....I will visit alot, especially when I have kids, because I am gonna need lots of help!!" Then, if he wasn't crackin' me up with that, he announced that he didn't want to go to college. 12 years of school was way enough for him and he was gonna get a job, make lots of money and eat chicken nuggets with his kids. I think that is a definite plan!! I love my boys!!

100 Pounds!!

Well, if you had told me a year and a half ago when I started this diet, again, I would have never dreamed in a million years that this day would come. I've officially lost 100 lbs. (100.5 to be exact) and I can't grasp it. I now fit in XL shirts. What? I bought a skirt in a size 18/20 the other day. Again I say what??? I just hope I can complete my goal and lose 99.5 more. I believe perhaps it is possible. They say with hope.....comes faith.....comes belief. 30 days to the cruise and 2 weeks until I see all my extended family for Bug's wedding. I can't wait. The bicycle awaits. I tread on.......

What A Day To Be Me!

Well, I have to say that being me isn't always the funnest thing on the planet. I am not saying this for pity, because I am WELL aware that there are MANY MANY more people with much harder lives than me. Truly. But, when this year comes to an end, I don't honestly believe that I will be feeling much nostalgia for 2008. So, I am trying a new strategy to see if possibly I can end 2008 with joy and gratitude instead of regret, a private pity party and some cheese fries.

Here goes. I recently got a new trainer. Yes, another blow to my fragile sanity, after 8 months of trust, sweat and tears, my beloved trainer Ember quit the gym to move onto bigger and better things and yet again I had to put on my big girl panties and deal with this news. Needless to say, I didn't take it well. No....I did not. So, with a heavy heart I met with Todd, my referral trainer (a HOT guy) and decided after some soul searching, to give him a chance. Now, you have to understand my thinking when I met Todd.

1. Adorable


2. Positive in every way (LOVED the Secret!)


3. Would have to measure my body fat index every month which would require him to pinch my various fat areas of my body.....WHAT THE??


4. Was "super psyched to work with me and was gonna rock my world"


5. Totally AGAINST any processed foods..........of ANY sort.


6. Has an adorable girlfriend that I met on the second day. Whatever.


7. Is a text messaging fiend and LOVES to send my positive messages with smiley faces on each one.


8. Smells really good, so it distracts me from what I am doing and I almost drop weights on my face during sets.


9. Is completely insane in terms of his estimation of my abilities to lift really heavy amounts of weight.


10. Did I mention the whole body fat measuring thing?? Help me.

But, I decided to throw my fears out the door and see what he could do with me. What have I gotten myself into??

1. Worked out with me sooo hard the first day I couldn't move in any direction without wanting to bite down on a rawhide strip to stop me from biting my lip off! (then told me that was a great start and to prepare myself for a hard workout!)


2. Forbid me from doing cardio on the days he tortures me (I mean the days we workout together) so I can't counterbalance my trips to McDonald's with an hour on the treadmill.


3. Took away the treadmill workouts all together. (The only exercise I had perfected and knew EXACTLY how to do!)


4. Took away cardio all together for a week to "get a clean slate so he could really get me going in the right direction" Again I say WHAT??


5. Continued to over-estimate my abilities on a regular basis. Dear Lord.....help me.

But, here's where it got interesting and today's breakthrough came into play. I got up this morning and actually decided I was due for a great day and was going to let it happen. So, I got up and ate my healthy breakfast, took my vitamins and took a deep breath to see what was in store for me. And you know what?? I had a spectacular day. I really did. (without McDonald's and cardio!) I got a mail order package in the mail and everything fit! WHEW HEW! I went to work and just let my day unfold and it was delightful. I let little things roll off my back and laughed and visited with all of my clients. I found a darling bathing suit in a store for my trip and it wasn't the biggest size in the store!! Again I say WHEW HEW!! I am so close to 100 lbs I can taste it and if I open myself up to the possibility that I could lose the weight....who knows what I can do? I am certainly going to try. So, the moral of my story.

I think Debbie Downer has left me for a while. I feel such relief and I am going to do my best to keep trying for happy. I would say I tread on....but I've been banned from treading. So, who knows what's in store at the gym? We'll see. I do love Todd, in spite of myself and I know he has my best interests at heart. I just hope my "best interests" can survive his workouts!