The FINAL Weigh In Of 2008.....AHHHHH.

Oh my Lord. It has been quite a year. I knew this was coming, but honestly, I've been so focused on this date or that one or this event...you get the picture, that it escaped me. So, today, I got up and did my usual get ready for the gym thing, and then I weighed and measured and Todd said,

"This is it." I didn't understand.

"This is what?"
"The last of 2008." Oh WOW.
Honestly, it didn't really hit me until I got out to the car and those words sank in. I have been doing 2 a days since September with this day in mind...and I forgot. I just started to weep. I was just so filled with gratitude and overwhelming relief, I couldn't contain it any longer. I must have looked like a complete nut case, but I honestly didn't care. This moment was a culmination of 18 months of blood, sweat and billions of tears, and I just needed a moment to let me let it sink in. 146 lbs. ago, I was pretty much resolved that I wasn't going to have any sort of happily ever after, because I couldn't do what it would physically or mentally take to make it happen. I was going to simply exist as long as the Lord saw fit to keep me here, and then...who knows? Now, please know I am not trying to sound as pathetic as it is coming out, but really, that was what was in my head. I had gone to that place and had determined that my life was going to be about serving others and my needs, well, let's just say I didn't even realize what they were because I was never going to be able to have the life I wanted in that body. Period. And then, I went on my dream cruise and met the cutest Romanian man I had ever dared to dream of and I came home determined to see him again....smaller. Whatever that size could be.

That day changed my life forever. Now, I am still friends with my Romanian (as I like to call him), but my dream of seeing him again never manifested itself. However, he truly changed my life, by giving my heart something I hadn't let in in a long time....hope. Ridiculous as it sounds, Alex gave me hope that I could have something good, and that lit a fire in me that has been burning brightly ever since. I had no idea in a million years where my life would go on from there, but thank goodness I had that dream when I did, because this year has kicked me hard every time I turned around, and sometimes the only thing in my life that was routine, was exercise. I used to laugh at that sometimes at the irony of it all. But, this downer story has a happy ending...at least for 2008. I weigh 209 lbs. today and I was measured all over this sagging body and lost significant inches, as well. I am now living my dream of shopping off the rack, I am living my life, not just existing, and I am determined to get to my goal weight and have a life that I can smile with honest to goodness SATISFACTION and someday, maybe I'll just find my Romanian and hug the stuffing out of him to thank him for inadvertently giving me my life back. (Maybe a little smooch too, who knows:) All I know is when the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, it will the first minute of a new year I am excited to see what happens next. I am so grateful for all the lessons I take with me from 2008. They have made me grow up a lot and realize I am worth the fight. To all the people that are in my life, have come into my life, or have popped back into my life.....Thank you for all the love, joy and laughter you bring to this girl's world. I am lost without you. Happy New Year.

I tread on.....