What's On My HAPPY List Today??

1. My friend Misty is back in my life! She is truly wonderful and a breath of fresh air in my world and I am so happy I found her again!!
2. FACEBOOK!! It is the coolest, most rockin' thing ever and I can't believe how much fun it is and how many wonderful people it has brought back into my life!
3. My Tanita Scale. I know it's weird, but it is so freakin' accurate and it measures my water, bone and fat weight too, so I know exactly where I am at. (Sad, but it's true--I LOVE IT!)
4. My Bodybugg. Again, I know you are thinking, this girl has no life, but it helps me so much and takes the guesswork out of what is happening with my calorie intake. (Again, SAD.)
5. C.O. Bigelow Lipgloss. Again made the top 10, because it is truly a staple for this girl's lips!
6. Naps. I love naps so much and I don't get to take them very often, I treasure them.
7. My new absolutely GORGEOUS cashmere scarf I got at Banana Republic for a screamin' good price, because I waited until after Christmas to get it! LOVE!!
8. My puppies Zoey and Sophie. They are so sweet and so naughty and I am crazy about them!
9. My dear pal Andrea from Rhode Island called me out of the blue today and made me laugh so hard, I peed a little! I miss her so!!
10. Quilts. There is nothing more satisfying than finishing up a quilt filled with love and folding it up to be wrapped for someone I adore! Here is my latest creation....I made it for my trainer Todd, because he has done so much for me and frankly, has put up with all of my emotional nonsense and is still speaking to me! :)

These are a few of my favorite things!!

I tread on...

The FINAL Weigh In Of 2008.....AHHHHH.

Oh my Lord. It has been quite a year. I knew this was coming, but honestly, I've been so focused on this date or that one or this event...you get the picture, that it escaped me. So, today, I got up and did my usual get ready for the gym thing, and then I weighed and measured and Todd said,

"This is it." I didn't understand.

"This is what?"
"The last of 2008." Oh WOW.
Honestly, it didn't really hit me until I got out to the car and those words sank in. I have been doing 2 a days since September with this day in mind...and I forgot. I just started to weep. I was just so filled with gratitude and overwhelming relief, I couldn't contain it any longer. I must have looked like a complete nut case, but I honestly didn't care. This moment was a culmination of 18 months of blood, sweat and billions of tears, and I just needed a moment to let me let it sink in. 146 lbs. ago, I was pretty much resolved that I wasn't going to have any sort of happily ever after, because I couldn't do what it would physically or mentally take to make it happen. I was going to simply exist as long as the Lord saw fit to keep me here, and then...who knows? Now, please know I am not trying to sound as pathetic as it is coming out, but really, that was what was in my head. I had gone to that place and had determined that my life was going to be about serving others and my needs, well, let's just say I didn't even realize what they were because I was never going to be able to have the life I wanted in that body. Period. And then, I went on my dream cruise and met the cutest Romanian man I had ever dared to dream of and I came home determined to see him again....smaller. Whatever that size could be.

That day changed my life forever. Now, I am still friends with my Romanian (as I like to call him), but my dream of seeing him again never manifested itself. However, he truly changed my life, by giving my heart something I hadn't let in in a long time....hope. Ridiculous as it sounds, Alex gave me hope that I could have something good, and that lit a fire in me that has been burning brightly ever since. I had no idea in a million years where my life would go on from there, but thank goodness I had that dream when I did, because this year has kicked me hard every time I turned around, and sometimes the only thing in my life that was routine, was exercise. I used to laugh at that sometimes at the irony of it all. But, this downer story has a happy ending...at least for 2008. I weigh 209 lbs. today and I was measured all over this sagging body and lost significant inches, as well. I am now living my dream of shopping off the rack, I am living my life, not just existing, and I am determined to get to my goal weight and have a life that I can smile with honest to goodness SATISFACTION and someday, maybe I'll just find my Romanian and hug the stuffing out of him to thank him for inadvertently giving me my life back. (Maybe a little smooch too, who knows:) All I know is when the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, it will the first minute of a new year I am excited to see what happens next. I am so grateful for all the lessons I take with me from 2008. They have made me grow up a lot and realize I am worth the fight. To all the people that are in my life, have come into my life, or have popped back into my life.....Thank you for all the love, joy and laughter you bring to this girl's world. I am lost without you. Happy New Year.

I tread on.....

Look What I Got From Santa....Whoot Woo!!

So, I was opening my Christmas presents this year and I hadn't really asked for anything, because I really didn't need much. When you are a single gal with no kids....well let's just say if this Chica wants something....I go and buy it. I know it is a little selfish, but WHATEVER!! :) Anyhoo, we were all gathered to open presents and I opened this!! What the?? Now, I have wanted a Wii forever, because I am a total electronic nut, but I really couldn't justify it in my head, because I am a single gal and would I play the Wii to make it worth it?? Also, it seems to be the "Tickle Me Elmo" gift of the new millennium and I didn't want to exert the energy needed to get one. So, I was SHOCKED no STUNNED when Santa brought me one!! So fun!! AND, my electronic guru brother in law was here at the time so he set it right up for me. THEN....I opened my other big box and I found this!! WHAT?? I totally wanted the Wii Fit because I could actually use it to work out and the fit games would be fun and I would be able to burn calories!! WHOOT WOO!! I couldn't believe it!! First of all...who am I?? Secondly...Why am I excited about a fitness game? Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. But, here's the magical part of my story. This was the real "PINCH ME" moment of the night. I have always been the girl that has to look immediately at the weight limit of any activity or piece of furniture or ride....etc. to make sure I will be able to do it and most of the time....I can't. There is a weight limit on the Wii Fit and for a split second my heart dropped as it does when I read these words. But, when the sadness fog cleared, I actually read the weight limit and....DRUM ROLL PLEASE!! I am 118 lbs.LIGHTER than the limit!! I literally burst into tears. I am officially free of the weight limit demons and I can do almost ANYTHING this girl wants to do. It is truly a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!! I am so happy and feel so blessed for that moment, I will treasure this Christmas for as long as I live. I feel a little like Dr. King. I was screaming in my head...."Thank God Almighty I'm Free At Last!!" This year has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and this last week alone has been a real kick in the...you know, but for all the bad, there has been an overload of good and I am left with this huge sense of gratitude for all the lessons I've learned and all the blessings I've received. So, as I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, I hope my dear sweet friends know (new, old past and re found) how blessed I am to have you in my life. How I cherish the time we get t spend together. That I love and adore all of you so much. And, how I look forward to spending time with you in 2009. Thank you doesn't seem adequate to express what my friends bring to my life. You help me focus, gain perspective, fill voids that would otherwise crush my spirit, make me laugh until I pee a little and touch my heart until tears flow freely. My life would be an empty shell without my friends and I love you. Merry Christmas everyone. May 2009 bring love, peace, happiness, health and prosperity to you and your families and may we be able to spend more time together in the new year. God bless us, everyone. I tread on....

He Looks Nice Right??

So this is my friend Todd. He looks like a nice guy right? Well, he is....most of the time. But, I am now learning that when Todd "invites" me to a class he is running....I should run!! He is my trainer at 24 hr. Fitness and I got a cute text from him Friday inviting me to a little class at the gym Sunday @ 11:30 am. He said it would be fun....he lied. I was invited to....

BOOT CAMP!

This is a little what it looked like. Picture little old me.....SWEATING and my heart racing to about 1000 beats per minute to the soundtrack of Top Gun. The visual alone, makes me giggle now a little. I made it through, barely and I really haven't been able to sit down since. Has anyone reading this ever done a "Burpie", "Mountain Climbers" or a "Hello Dolly"? These are ridiculous activities thought up by the military to build up your heart. Interestingly enough, it affected my butt. Read between the lines people! I was not made to do walking lunges across a hard wood floor with my arms straight up in the air while Kenny Loggins is singing...."Playing with the Boys!"

It's just not right. I tread on... :)

So....What's New??

I am having the WEIRDEST week! Ups and Downs and topsy turvy. I know I've explained in previous posts my inability to control my emotions as of late, because of the whole "no cheeseburgers and fries" existence I am living, but this is ridiculous. One minute I am crying, the next laughing and I've lost count how many times I've fallen into the "Pit of Despair". So, really nothing should surprise me these days. I was mistaken. The snow.....who knew?? It has thrown me over the edge! I can't take it!! The trauma of worrying about the latest storm and what ICE lies beneath waiting to take me down! My clients have all forgotten how to drive in it and have scattered into the woodwork waiting for the spring thaw. I don't want to leave my house. I just want to stay home and stay safe. It is truly maddening!! I am not completing ANY of my Christmas errands and it is DECEMBER 17th people!! What has happened to me? I walk around like an old woman, desperately afraid I am going to fall down. Truly ridiculous. I drove the other night out to dinner with a friend and she mentioned she could walk there quicker!! It is like I've been taken over by a 90 year old woman and my senses have completely left me! Again I say....what the?? I have no explanation for this phenomena, but it must stop, or I will have to move away from this arctic tundra!! I just watched the weather and felt a little nauseous, because this whole week leading up to Christmas is supposed to be snowy. I need help. I tread on.....This is what I apparently will be treading with.....I've become a wuss. Sad.

M&M's are EVIL!!

So, I was just minding my own business waiting for a phone call this morning, when....what is that? Oh. An open bag of peanut M&M's. Man I love them! I haven't had M&M's in a long time....Crunch, crunch. Damnit!! I had 12! (They were delicious btw) Why did I do that?

1. Because I wanted them BAD!
   
2. Because the bag was already open....


3. Because there was little chance I wouldn't eat them, because I am a crack whore!!


4. :)

So, the moral of this story is....the good news....I ONLY ate 12. The bad news....I cannot be trusted with peanut M&M's anywhere in the room! I tread on....

This is what I would look like if I had access to open M&M containers all the time!

Meet Crissy M&M!!

'Tis The Season To Decorate A 9 Ft. Christmas Tree!!

So....this is how I spent my afternoon.....decorating a "Festival of the Trees" tree for my Mom. This is her MOST favorite thing I do for her during the Christmas season. She absolutely loves it and I.....well? How do I put it delicately? HATE IT! Have you ever tried to decorate a 9ft. tree when you are 5'4" tall and scared, no petrified of heights? I sweat a little all year when I think of it! Truthfully, I though worrying about a live tree drying up an starting the house on fire was bad, because she wanted to sleep by it and have the Christmas lights on ALL NIGHT! But, my Lord, this huge monster wasn't even on my radar when I jumped for joy at the idea of a pre-lit Christmas tree!! So, off she went 4 years ago and brought home "Big Bertha" as I lovingly refer to her and I have been living the dream ever since. I didn't tell her today was the day and when she got home today.....WHOA MAMA!! Was she ever excited!! It is worth it for her face to light up, but I'll tell ya, not the easiest task for a girl that likes to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Anyhoo, now she can have a very Merry Christmas and come mid March when she is ready to FINALLY take it down, the sisters can deal with it!! My job is done. It is pretty cute though....I'm just sayin.......I tread on.

My First Injury....I'm Sad.

So, I FINALLY found a cardio workout that I love! Thank you Lord!! And, I found I am pretty good at it. One problem. It doesn't love me. It is what I like to call a "teaser". These come into my life with regular fashion and frankly, I hate them! I love interval training on the treadmill. I even discovered a special button on the treadmill that lets me switch over from my "jog speed" to "run speed" with one touch of a button. Here's the problem.....my knee HATES interval training and let me know on Wednesday, just how much! I am not taking it well. I, unfortunately, shared with my trainer Todd that my knee was bothering me, and he was concerned. OY VEY!! So, he thought I should stop training on the treadmill for awhile (my SECOND banishment of the year) until it felt better. Then, he worked my legs on Wednesday. Not good is all I can share of the experience because this is a PG-13 blog. Then, I got nervous because my weekly weigh in was on Friday. You see, interval training does many things for me:

1. Burns a stinking load of calories!
2. Makes me feel strong as my times improve!
3. Helps me train for my 5K's!
4. Makes me actually ENJOY going to the gym to do cardio!
5. Hurts my knee :(

So, with the weigh in eminent....I ignored my trainer and did interval training on Thursday morning, not knowing Todd was coming in early on Thursday morning, as well. Let me re-live that little conversation for you....

• Good Morning Todd! (Hobbling over to his desk)
• Good Morning. (Frowning face) How's the knee? (still frowning)
• Fine. A little sore.....grimace!
• Why were you doing interval training?
• What do you mean?
• Crissy, you realize that the area in front of the cardio equipment in completely clear and I can see you when you work out don't you? You also realize the stairmaster I asked you to work on is in the front of said clear area, don't you?
• Why are you here so early anyway?
• Crissy, you do realize that I tell you not to do interval training so that your knee can heal and you won't injure it further, don't you??
• Yes Todd.
• So....why were you doing interval training?
• Because I like it better and my weigh in is tomorrow and because I HATE the stairmaster and I thought my knee hurting was a fluke thing and it would be better today.
• How is your knee? (serious frowning occurring now)
• It hurts still, but I got through my workout. Isn't that the most important thing?
• No.
• No?
• No. The most important thing to me is you don't really hurt your knee and cause an injury that may require you to not workout at all. What seems to be the most important thing to you is doing what you want to do, instead of listening to me, as your trainer.
• Are you mad?
• Yes. No, I'm not mad. Let's say disappointed. OUCH!
• OK Todd. I won't do anymore interval training. I promise.
• And what are you going to do instead?
• The stairmaster.
• I have your word?
• Yes.
• Good. You know I am only doing this because I want you to succeed. This isn't a punishment. I am concerned about your knee.
• I know. Thank you for caring. I appreciate it. (thinking....this sure feels like a punishment)

So, I'm doing the stairmaster now. Oh my Sweet Lord. I really immensely dislike the stairmaster and the worst part is, he used guilt on me. And he isn't even my Mother. And....it worked. UGH. Keep my knee in your prayers. It does feel a little better. I'd finish with I tread on, but I've been banned.......AGAIN.

A Weekend Of Friends.....I Love It!

What a fun weekend I just had!! I spent this weekend with friends and I loved it!! I caught up with old friends I haven't seen in so long and I forgot how much I love these people, and it felt so good to see them again!! I started my weekend with my darling nephew Brett getting baptized and it was so neat!! He was so nervous and right before he went into the water, he announced...."Well, here we go!!" and I about peed a little!! He is such a crack up! Then I raced over to my friend Heather's house, to a Pampered Chef Party to see some pals I haven't seen in about 18 years. It was so great to see these girls and catch up and gossip! I loved it!! Until the yearbook came out and my 80's bangs became a subject of great merriment!! Whatever. It was so nice to see them all and we have planned a once a month gather and I am psyched to hang with the girls on a regular basis. Then, I was doing various Christmas activities today, and my phone rings and.....it was my cutie patootie pal from Romania Alex who I secretly have had a crush on for a year and a half wanting to catch up! I love him and we visited for a long time. It was great!! THEN, if my weekend wasn't super duper fun already, I drove to Bountiful to see my dear pal Misty, another high school friend and fellow TWILIGHT OBSESSED FAN who dropped back into my life, made me a delicious dinner and I got to meet her absolutely darling family who I love already!! We talked and talked and it was so nice! I love her and I am so glad we are back in each other's lives. (Not to mention the fact that her kids LOVED the cookies I brought and Paige told me my cookies were straight from cookie heaven!!) Needless to say, I feel truly blessed to have such amazing people pop back into my life just when I needed a boost. It was an awesome weekend, aside from the hair comments :) All I can say is I am one lucky girl. I tread on......

Shopping.....OFF THE RACK @ EDDIE BAUER!!

What the?? Seriously, where is the camera?? I don't honestly know who's life this is, but I'M KEEPING IT!! HA HA!! I am going to my darling nephew's baptism tomorrow, and one of the unexpected annoyances of weight loss is....I don't fit in anything for very long. Not a complaint, mind you....just annoying when you have to make an appearance at a function of importance, and you have nothing in your closet but yoga pants and tee shirts. It tends to put a damper on say.... baptisms!! So, I was out and about helping my pal Kate find a white dress for a party she is going to tomorrow night (BTW, very annoying to find a white dress AFTER Labor Day :) and we were at the mall feeling defeated because we couldn't find such a dress, and I remembered I needed a top for the said baptism. So, I started to scan the mall for a Lane Bryant, my go to store for such items. Well, South Towne Mall doesn't have a Lane Bryant. So, we started walking around and then I saw Eddie Bauer. I like Eddie Bauer, but I have never bought ANYTHING in there except a travel purse in my life. But, I thought, we'll have a look just for kicks. In we go and I spy a table with some beautiful sweaters. Honestly, I don't even know what possessed me to look there, because I convinced myself it wouldn't happen, but I walked over, pulled out what I HOPED would be my size and Oh My Sweet Lord.....IT FIT!! I about peed in my pants!! It is so cute and it fit me!! WHEW HEW!! I didn't even check the price, I bought it there on the spot! I can't wait to wear it tomorrow. What a day to be me. I also had another weigh in today......drum roll please......I lost 5 more lbs. I am officially 217.5. I don't know why or how this is continuing to work for me or where the fire inside is coming from, but damn it, I am soo happy about it I could bust something!! There. I said it out loud. Maybe it is finally my turn. Thank goodness. I just had to share. It was an exceptionally good day. I tread on.....

Ever Felt Like A Drug Addict @ A Rave??

So....it's the holiday season.....you know tis the season.....blah blah blah! I get invited to a cookie swap. Sounds good, right? Lots of cute ladies getting together for the holiday season and sharing their baking talents and lots and lots of......COOKIES! Oh my Lord!! What was I thinking?? The panic set in at about 10:30 am when I started making my 3 dozen cookies. They looked delicious and suddenly I started licking my fingers. OOPS. Then they started smelling delicious.....OOPS. Then, I had tried a new recipe and had to try one to make sure they were ok.....OOPS. Can you see where I'm going with this?? Not a good place for a cookie crack whore to go. Really. My good pal Diana is such a marvelous hostess and her friends were soo sweet and her house was so darling and her kids were adorable as ever.....but I was truly focused on the cookies! I am so glad no one could read my mind, because I would have truly been embarrassed!! It was pathetic really. All this time I thought, OK I've overcome this feeling of true love with food. I'm good now. Cured, really. HA I say!! It took one cookie outing and I feel like I need to go to LE CIRQUE Lodge with Lindsay Lohan to rehab!! Do they have cookie rehab?? I guess if Isaiah Washington can go for his feelings on Gay people, surely there is a Mrs. Field's Lodge for me right?? Seriously, people.....I was freaking out!! I just wasn't prepared for it and I was scared. But, I survived by the skin of my teeth and only ate one cookie. WHEW!! It was a close call because I was surrounded by delicious cookies and it wasn't looking good for me. It was a nice party though and next year when I go, I am gonna be at my goal weight and then look out cookie monster.....there's a new girl in town!! I tread on.....

Imagine If You Can.....

So, I've had a little trouble lately. I am COMPLETELY burned out on my gym!! Love everyone there, mind you. But, my 2 a days which were so great and empowering 3 months ago.....have lost their magic. It truly has become a battle of wills to get me there and when I get to it, I am pissed off the whole time! Let's just say....I'm over it. Now, I am truly grateful for the amazing progress I've made over the past year!! Totally enthralled, overjoyed, stunned really by what I've been able to accomplish. But, I'm fried. So, this morning I showed up for my Monday standing date with my adorable trainer Todd and he asked the wrong question. (He had no idea)

"So....how's it goin'?"

That's all it took. The flood gates opened and for 35 minutes of my 55 minute appointment, I shared my feelings on the subject. Poor guy.

But, here's the great thing. He pulled a rabbit out of his hat and gave me such good advice, that my attitude TOTALLY turned around, almost in an instant, and if I wasn't positive before, which I was, I am completely convinced I have the most AWESOME trainer on the planet!!

Here's what he said. "Imagine if you will let yourself, the woman you want to be. Your goal "you" if you will. Really study her. What is she like? What will she do? Who will she be? Stop looking at the task at hand and focus on her. You at your goal weight. How will your life be different? Now, when you are struggling through a workout, or a situation you are uncomfortable with....Think.... How would the woman you'd LIKE to be, DO the things you are about to do? And don't do it like you today, visualize how empowered you'll be then and behave like her!"

HE IS A GENIUS!! I know it sounds simple, but today, I acted like her and I was a maniac!! I love her so much better than me! I can't wait to be her all the time. And in the meantime, I have more visualizing to do. Hope is a dangerous thing, but I am going to try to work this whole angle, because I feel excited to see what I can do next! I tread on......