What I've Learned...

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted to my blog. My life has definitely taken a few turns, to say the least and I've definitely learned a lot this year and many of those lessons I've learned the hard way. No big surprise there. But, as I recover from the latest in a series of surgeries to fix a lifetime of eating mistakes, I have recently been reminded that this life is short and if you feel you have something to share, do it today, because you never know what tomorrow will bring or even if you will have a tomorrow in which to learn from it. My neighbor Shari, who I've literally know my entire life which is one of those people Heavenly Father blessed with a sweet spirit, a kind disposition, wonderful mothering and wife skills and just an all around good person, passed away from a melanoma yesterday, 4 months after going to the doctor for a routine physical exam. Most of the time I hear when someone like this dies is why does God take the good ones so young? or it isn't fair, or why her?? I tend to take from this kind of lesson, is life isn't infinite and we should act today on things we've been putting on the back burner, because it could happen to any one of us at anytime.

So, here is my "acting upon" for the day. I used to be a regular blogger and I loved my blog. I loved sharing my experiences about weight loss dating, family fun or drama. I loved it. I loved being part of a community that allowed me to rant or share without judgment and it was a wonderful outlet to show my progress on this crazy journey I was traveling on. I don't honestly know what made me stop except other outlets were opened up to me and this simply became just another "thing I had to do". That I didn't do... But, every once in awhile I would think, I should blog about this, it is a big deal. And then I wouldn't do it for on reason or another. So, here I am today. 180 lbs lighter, I have found love in my life, 2 major surgeries completed of the 3 I need to say goodbye to the old me (LITERALLY), I've moved out of my Mom's house and twice since then to find my "nest" and I haven't shared any of it, because I was too busy or just didn't feel like it. But, instead of feeling bad about it, i have decided to use this as a scrapbook, of sorts and spend the next 3 weeks catching up, so if I ever have happen to me what happened to my dear friend and neighbor Shari, I will be able to leave a small chronicle of Crissy behind to show that I loved what has become of my life and maybe someday if I have kids, they will look at this a remember their Mom was a little adventurous, not the the worry wart that they remember I was once a single...overweight...insecure...lady that finally pulled her head out and started to live....stay tuned....

Well....Just When You Think You've Got Stuff Figured Out....You Were Wrong!

Me & Todd. I Love My Friend!!

So....the whole dating thing. I know you are all pretty sick of this topic, but it is my "thing" unfortunately right now, so please bear with me. I'm sorry, but men...how do I say it?? Men that are in my age range....if they are single and almost 40, there is a reason. Several probably. UGH. I truly am at a loss as to why these individuals are even attempting to date. First of all, the whole....just stop calling you for no reason thing. What the? It is so RUDE!! I would so appreciate even a little text of "I'm just not feeling it" or "I don't think this is working", etc. way more than the whole...you think it is going great and then.....(you begin to hear crickets chirping because of the silence) And, not understanding right away this has occurred, I continue to assume we are dating and call and/or text to see how they are doing, all the while, waiting the mandatory every other day, so you don't seem like a stalker, rest period. This whole dating rule thing is sooooo lame!! Again I say...UGH.

THEN...if it isn't bad enough, trying to not seem like a stalker, you don't quite understand when they don't call and/or text back right away, because you aren't aware of the whole "moved on" routine has occurred, so you become paranoid and don't call and/or text for another 2 days so you don't seem needy, and then when you do and they don't respond, AT ALL (so rude) and you feel like a total idiot because you didn't know they had moved on while you were still trying to play the game....apparently by yourself. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! So frustrating!!

So, when this occurred, yet again with a guy I actually liked, I was feeling pretty darn unlovable. Man, why did I ever start this nightmare to begin with?? So, my pal Todd dragged me out Saturday night to his karaoke bar so I wouldn't crawl into the unlovable pit of despair, again. It was pretty quiet and I was feeling pretty miserable, when I decided, what have I got to lose?? I decided to sing. It was nerve wracking to say the least, but I have always wanted to sing karaoke and it was a small crowd, so I decided to give it a shot. Well, Todd was excited and told me he would make me sound good, which he did btw, and I sang Pat Benatar's "All Fired Up" which is one of my fav's of hers. I did alright, but it was fun and I was feeling a little better. Then, I went to sat down, just in time to see a total cutie walk in....uh oh. This was unfortunate because I had just sworn off dating, so what was a girl to do?? I totally flirted with him anyway, because he seemed totally out of my league. Apparently, he wasn't. YAY for me :) He was darling and we totally hit it off. Well, we'll see. I've felt this before, and you know the rest. But, I learned a valuable lesson that day.....I am not the girl in my head of yesterday, that isn't date able and has to settle because there aren't any other options. I really needed to know that. I am definitely going to be a LONG work in progress.....I tread on.....

So...I had 2 good dates in a row! Whoot Woo!!

I know I am talking about this whole dating thing a lot, but frankly, it is consuming a lot more of my time than I thought, so bear with me. I really thought I was never going to have a good first date and then BAM!! I had 2 good ones right in a row. Friday night, I went out with a guy I met on eHarmony. I know....online....ugh. However, he was super cool, funny , sweet and a good kisser....OOPS. (So sue me I am 36 and have the experience of a 10 year old and I got a little carried away) I was so pleasantly surprised and I think I am actually going to go out with him again. WHAT?? A second date?? It is truly a miracle. I don't know how I will act if I don't have that 1st date nausea swirling in my stomach all night!! Then, Monday night I went out with another guy that I met on mySpace. Again...I know the whole mySpace thing...ugh. But, again, super cute and nice and funny and....a good kisser. Please don't judge me. Before this year, I had kissed ONE guy in my entire life and it's been 13 years in the making for me to kiss again. Anyhoo, I enjoyed both of them and I hope they both call me again too. So, Crissy is trying to stay positive and keeps treading on.....in the cyberdating world.....Lord help me :)

Dating....Isn't For Wimps!!

Ugh. Dating. Why? I don't know. It sucks!! All of you that are happily married....go home and kiss your spouse or significant other and thank the Lord you aren't dating!! I have gone on 3 dates in the last month and all I can say is.....why am I doing this? Don't I have enough problems? Am I glutton for punishment? Why? There has to be a nice guy out there that will entertain, amuse and enlighten me to the point where I would like a second date. Seriously, I understand why people just get a pet for companionship. It is so much easier!!

1. First date....flew me to California. Then told me I wasn't interesting to him.


2. Second date...took me to Chili's and to a Clint Eastwood movie. Then tried to have sex with me.


3. Third date...had hope for this one, because A. his name wasn't Rich (which the first 2 were) and B. he was younger. Thought this would change up my dating success. All I can say is I felt a little like Mary Kay Leterneau and I came home feeling EXTREMELY OLD!

I think I need to stay single and get a pet. That could work. Yes, this is my new plan. I tread on........ BTW, I am down to within 10 lbs. of my consult with the surgeon weight! I am freaking out on so many levels!! UGH. :)

My Request Was Accepted! I Knew It was Possible!!

So, my request for an old fashioned blind date was accepted! I met a really nice guy. Oddly enough, his name is Rich. I know, ironic. But, he is really nice, although shy so we are gonna have to work on that, but very sweet just the same and his phone was updated with my digits, so stay tuned.....I am very grateful to my friends Kate and AJ, for the intro! YAY for me. I tread on....

I Want To Be 212 Degrees All The Time!!

So, I've been in a funk for a couple of weeks. No surprise there for anyone that has the pleasure of being around me....ugh. I've been trying to find the lesson that I am supposed to learn in this latest life altering experience I've been through......Haven't been able to.......until Wednesday. I was complaining, AGAIN, to my poor trainer Todd (Sorry Todd) and he said something that really clicked in for me. (Really....everyone should have a Todd) Anyway, he said that he thought the lesson I needed to learn was, that I needed to find happiness completely in me. Stop looking for it in others and when life throws you a curve ball, as it seems to do for me lately on a regular basis, to appreciate the feelings, but be content in just being me. LIGHT BULB!! OK. I get it. Whew. Then my pal Jeff, who manages my 24hr. Fitness gym, gave me a book to read that same day. It is called 212 Degrees. It is a small book about 70 pages and it is an inspirational book about kicking up your life just 1 degree and the HUGE impact it can make on your life and those who share your life. The basic principle is, 211 degrees, water is hot....212 degrees water boils, which causes steam, which can run a locomotive engine. In short....this book rocked my world!! The theory is soo simple and yet, so profound. I want to live a 212 degree life!! I am seeing results from this way of living already and it is Friday morning. Todd asked me yesterday, why I was glowing. I laughed a little and told him it was because I was sweating, but he said I just looked different and sounded different. I thought about it and then I remembered I had said to myself that morning, you are going to be happy today and make a difference. I guess I did feel different. I have just tried to be more aware of my behavior and my actions and have tried a little harder, or worked a little longer and I am already feeling my life take on a whole different path. I am so excited to see what happens next!! So, I want everyone to read this book. You can get in online and there is also a movie you can watch that gives you a little in site into what it is all about. I am hopefully going to be able to post the YouTube link so you can watch it, but I am still learning how to do that, so I hope it works. See for yourself what I mean. I tread on.....a little better.....

WANTED.....An Old Fashioned Blind Date!

Here's the thing.....I HATE online dating!! It is ridiculous. It just isn't for me. I need my friends, namely You that are reading this, to help me out of this online world! Open your eyes and ears people and find me someone to date. I am serious. Remember back when all of you were dating a thousand years ago?? You met someone nice.....thought of a friend who they would get along with......and gave them their phone number?? This is my request. I know you can do it. There is someone at the office, church, supermarket, favorite sporting goods store, Dr.'s office, or a mailman perhaps, that you've met or will meet, that might make a good match for me. I know this might seem odd to request a blind date on a blog, but why not?? I don't want to deal with all the drama of the witness protection dating sites, like eharmony, or all the men from other countries that need a visa from match.com and don't even get me started on the free matching websites.....good Lord. I want someone sweet, funny and cute, preferably with a job, their own transportation and maybe not a felon. They can have kids, I would be a great step mom! And....because of my recent dating experience, I have discovered a certain liking of riding Harley Davidson motorcycles.....not a deal breaker if they don't have one, but I enjoy that as well. I'm just throwing it out there! So, I'm asking. If you meet anyone that you see potential for a match for me, let me know. I can't take this new way of meeting people much longer.....I am beginning to think I was meant to be single. I tread on.....

So...what to do when you have life throw you a curve ball??

I have to say, 2009 has definitely been a roller coaster ride for me. WHEW! I am exhausted and it is only February 12th. There have been a lot of awesome moments and others...well....let's just say have tested my limits. But, I have to say that with all that has gone on, one thing I can say for definite certainty is I am blessed with a wonderful, albeit nutty family and absolutely fantastic lovely friends, who love me and support me in all my moments holding "the crazy stick!" So, let me catch my breath and give you a little recap.....WHEW. So, started out the year bummed. Didn't see much changing for the new year and I was annoyed. Well, be careful what you wish for. Then I met Rich. Well, sort of. We met on Facebook through a friend and for 2 weeks, I was in frustrated happy land because he lived in California. Ok. So I went for a visit. It fizzled. Ok. Came home, and was beaten by the "crazy stick" for a week while I tried to figure out what went wrong. Then, I let it go. Had to, before the restraining order was issued. But, a few of my friends did point out that I was going through what most teenagers do when they go through a break up, I just happened to be going through it at age 36. So, I felt a little better about my erratic behavior. BTW, I am doing much better now, thanks for checking. Then, I decided to have a free for all weekend, to get over my broken heart. And I did!! Whew Nelly! There are many photos on Facebook scrap booking all of my drunken moments! But, I needed to cut loose and I did! (Sorry Mom) It was a lot of late evenings of me stumbling in! I loved it!! Here's the problem....I gained 4 pounds and then couldn't get back into regular life. It was like becoming a crack whore all over again. UGH. Then, I went to a mini reunion of Murray High Gals. It was fun to see everyone again. But, I have to say as we were going around the table catching everyone up, I got a little intimidated and I started to feel like I did when I was in High School. They were truly sweet all of them, but it happened just the same. UGH. I don't know why it happened. Luckily, I was sitting by one of my pals Misty,

who I reconnected with awhile back, and she totally jumped in and told everyone my story and made me remember who I really am. She told them about my weight loss success, about rebuilding my business, my travels I had gone on, and she was my champion. I love her. Seriously, I really jumped right back into my 16 year old heavy girl mode, and before I knew it I had eaten everything in sight and I was shrinking into the chair. It was truly ridiculous. These ladies couldn't have been nicer to me and I was doing a real number on myself, without help from anyone else. SO.....then we went to see the movie....He's Just Not That Into You...after dinner. Now, normally I am all over a chick flick, but, I was still a little raw from the break up, so perhaps this wasn't the best choice for little old me to see. It wasn't. I cried a little during this comedy and I am not a soft cryer, so it was a lot of work not to make a sound.

Now, please don't think I am looking for pity here. I'm not. I am ok. And, after a pretty big freak out in front of my trainer, I like to call him "Poor Todd" these days because I am a lot to handle, I have started to regroup. I had a mostly good food day yesterday, and I got 2 killer workouts in and I am on the road to well ville. I just need to get through Valentine's Day with all the delicious sugar cookies and I think I'm set. The reason I am over sharing my story, is I feel the need to say Thank you to all my pals who have let me cry.......ALOT.......over the last 2 weeks and haven't given up on me. They have just let me do, say, feel, experience and bitch to my heart's content and they have hugged, loved, listened intently and NEVER brushed me off as I ranted and sobbed over the silliest things. As I heal, which I am, I am ever reminded of the many blessings I have. Most of them are my friends. So, if you are near or far, I adore you. If you are new or old, I cherish you and I am thankful. I love you all!! I am finally treading on.....

I'm SOOO Tired!!

So there is a new fun game in town my body is playing.....it's called sleep 2 or 3 hours a night and then wake up! What the hell? I am totally dragging around like a 90 year old senior citizen and I am simply out of ideas! Seriously folks, any suggestions would be appreciated. I can't take much more of thse cat naps. I would tread on.....but I'm too tired. YAWN.

I Freaking Did It!!

Well, I can't believe I get to blog about this today, but I do. My weight, for the first time since the 6th grade, begins with the number ONE!! Are you kidding me? Who is this girl? I got on the scale this morning and absolutely had a complete breakdown when the number 199.4 came up on the scale. I mean crying like a baby! I was so overwhelmed and happy and I actually took a picture of my scale and sent it to my trainer Todd. It was the most awesome thing that I have ever seen and I am still in shock. He text me back and called me a sneaker, because technically I wasn't supposed to weigh until Monday, but call me whatever you want, because I weigh 199.4 and that's all I have to say about that!! WHOOT HOO! Who would have ever thought that I could lose 155.5 lbs.? I didn't and I am so grateful for this experience, the good and the bad, because it's taught me so much about myself and what I can do. I am so happy today. I walked around all day with a silly grin on my face and I couldn't have washed it off if I tried. It was a good day. I tread on...

So Many Things To Talk About....So Little Blogging Time!!

So.....what to talk about?? First, I am happy to report after MANY tears and soul searching hours of despair, the FUNK IS GONE!!! WHOOT WOO!! I feel so much better. WHEW. It was a rough one, but I survived and I want to thank all my pals who let me bitch, moan and cry until I got it all out. I don't know what I would do in this life without my girlfriends and boy "friends"!

Second, while I was in my funk, it was suggested to me that I make a vision board to help me visualize my desire and wishes in this new year and I completed it and it ROCKS!! Every time I look at it I am reminded of what my life could be if I focus my energy on what I want and not about what I don't have or am afraid of not getting and it really makes me feel better. I think everyone should have one. It is AMAZING!! (BTW: yes that is a picture of Gerard Butler in the middle of it and yes I realize that it is a little out of my realm of possibility, but damnit a girl can dream right??)

Third, I have a few movie reviews to report on.

First, if you are all dying to see The Women that just came out on DVD.....umm.....you can take off your running shoes and stroll to get this one. All I can say is it is a tad slow until the last 30 minutes and then it is great!! The final scene in the labor room with Debra Messing is worth the whole movie and I almost peed a little!!

Yes Man is possibly one of the funniest movies I've seen in an age!! You must go and laugh your heads off at this absolutely ridiculous movie! Wear a depends pantie though!! I made a complete fool out of myself because I was giggling so hard!! AWESOME!! LOVED IT!!

Seven Pounds is the saddest movie I've seen possibly ever. Everyone was asking me today if it was good. I don't honestly know how to answer them. Powerful...yes. Riveting... absolutely. Award winning performance... without question. Sad...I was kicking myself for not having a min. of 7 tissues to get through this movie. And seeing Woody Harrelson in a movie again...... priceless!! I love that man! I always have and he is spectacular as Ezra. I guess my final answer would be, I think Will Smith is a genius and if you are a fan, which I ABSOLUTELY am, go see this movie. He is brilliant. Just bring a box of kleenex and maybe see your therapist for a happy booster before you go. The best part of going to this movie was hanging out with my pal Misty and her darling husband Mike. I love the Mayfield's!!

I am also happy to report that I am within 2 pounds of my ongoing goal to be a weight that begins with a ONE!! I am working my tushie off and I feel it today. I look like an old woman hobbling around, but I tread on......

Sometimes It Takes A Lot of Snow and COLD to Clear Your Head!

So, I am suffering from post New Year's blues. I admit it. I placed a lot of excitement in the New Year and frankly, it came and went with an....EGH. So, I have been in a funk for days. Not really sure what happened, but it came and I have not fared well. So, today was an especially sad day and I really couldn't take it. I went to my training appointment as I usually do on Mondays, and it literally took all I had not to have a total breakdown in front of Todd, again. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence for poor Todd and I PROMISED myself I wasn't going to do it in front of him again!! Call it a New Year's resolution if you must, but I was done being his "Sally Sap" client! So, I left the gym barely in tact and proceeded to make my day so horrible, that by the time I went back to the gym to do my cardio, I was a wreck! I got through it just in time to run into Todd, who had no idea I was teetering on the verge of a major breakdown, and he gave me a high 5 and went on his merry way. That was it. I left the gym and proceeded to make the decision to take a "break" from my training with him until I could get myself together. This seemed like a completely reasonable answer to my "pickle". So before I could think clearly, I sent him a text explaining my desperate need for a "break", and sent it before I knew what I was doing.

And off I went to go back to work, with lead in my heart. Soon, I get a call. Well, I wasn't prepared for a rapid response, so I answered and asked if I could call him back later. He was confused to say the least. So, I hung up and scrambled to try to find some sort of reasonable explanation for my erratic behavior. I then received a text: I am waiting for you to have a break so we can talk about this. Uh Oh.....

So, I put my client under the dryer and dialed. He answered right away. I totally didn't know what to say, so I asked him to forget I ever sent it. And then I tried (in between sobs) to explain. The reason I tell this tale of complete lunacy, is I was given some amazing advice, from someone who probably should have given up on me long ago, but never has. He said, "I truly believe that in this journey you are on, your hardest obstacle will never be your weight, your food issues or the amount of working out you accomplish. I know without a shadow of a doubt, your hardest obstacle is your firm belief that you don't deserve to be happy. You have worked so hard to stay in the shadows, and not let yourself hope for happiness, that it has become en grained in your soul, that you don't deserve the same God given rights every human being has to be happy. You can re-write your chalk board here. You can be anyone you want to be and you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, if you will just give yourself permission to live the life you desire." (A lot more crying occurred after he told me these things)

But, it totally hit me at the core. He is right. I have done that for so long, that I don't know how to just be. I am always trying to figure out where the other shoe is, that will inevitably drop. I cannot fathom that I can actually have the life I so desperately desire, and until I start to believe it, I don't have a chance to succeed. I am so close to being free of this albatross of weight, I can taste it and if I don't work on my mindset it will all be for nothing. I have a LOT of work to do and it isn't at the gym. So, the moral of this complicated tale....NEVER send a text you have no idea what the ramifications will be. You might get more "Food for Thought" than you were ready to eat. I am so lucky to have someone who continues to fight for me even when I've given up on myself. Everyone should have a Todd. I tread on....

The 13 Year Curse Is Broken.....So They Tell Me :)

So....went out for New Year's. Such fun! Well, what I can recall of it. I am ashamed to admit it, but I started out doing really well and then about 11:00pm to about 3:00am is...a total blank. OK, I enjoy a beverage called a Long Island Iced Tea. I know it packs a wallop, but usually I don't have that many. And, in my defense, I ONLY remember 2 of what I had, so, you will imagine my surprise when I woke up in my bed fully dressed @ 3am, wondering how in the crap I got there! I know, I can't believe I am even sharing this, because most of you will probably think I am a total drunk, but I only indulge on certain occasions and I was celebrating my accomplishments! So, when I woke up again at 11:00 am and found almost all of my belongings strewn around my house, I called my friends Kate and Amy to try to piece together the rest of my evening. (My mother, sadly, also had a bit to share of my homecoming!)

I apparently still continued to have a good time long after it was registering in my brain, and I was smart enough to go with good friends who watched out for me, even when my judgment was a wee bit impaired. Someday, if you want the full story, you'll have to call me because it is too humiliating to write down to post forever on my blog! The reason I even bring it up, is because my "Wingman" Chris, (Kate's brother-in-law) came through with his offer and I was kissed @ midnight! The 13 year curse was ended!! Yeah!! Here's the problem.....notice the time frame of my brain amnesia. I don't remember it in the slightest! Damnit!! So....Happy New Year to me! I tread on.....Here are a few pics, I took before I lost it completely!!

This is Amy and Michael, who stopped letting me order liquor and held my water so I wouldn't keep spilling it. She also made sure I paid my bill correctly and tipped appropriately. Thank goodness!!

This is Kate and her husband AJ. They safely got me home and made sure I figured out how to put my key in the door and didn't let me fall in the rose bushes. So embarrassing!!

These are some of my gym pals and clients @ the salon who got to witness all my glory moments! Oh My Lord!!

Yes, I am wearing my Eddie Bauer Sweater again! I love it and I love that I got to buy it in the first place, so I am wearing the crap out of it, until it is too big!! :)

Me and "The Smoocher" Chris. He is hilarious and I hope he is still speaking to me. I also had to apologize to a few of my friends for some interesting text messages I sent in that time frame as well. UGH.