Sometimes It Takes A Lot of Snow and COLD to Clear Your Head!

So, I am suffering from post New Year's blues. I admit it. I placed a lot of excitement in the New Year and frankly, it came and went with an....EGH. So, I have been in a funk for days. Not really sure what happened, but it came and I have not fared well. So, today was an especially sad day and I really couldn't take it. I went to my training appointment as I usually do on Mondays, and it literally took all I had not to have a total breakdown in front of Todd, again. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence for poor Todd and I PROMISED myself I wasn't going to do it in front of him again!! Call it a New Year's resolution if you must, but I was done being his "Sally Sap" client! So, I left the gym barely in tact and proceeded to make my day so horrible, that by the time I went back to the gym to do my cardio, I was a wreck! I got through it just in time to run into Todd, who had no idea I was teetering on the verge of a major breakdown, and he gave me a high 5 and went on his merry way. That was it. I left the gym and proceeded to make the decision to take a "break" from my training with him until I could get myself together. This seemed like a completely reasonable answer to my "pickle". So before I could think clearly, I sent him a text explaining my desperate need for a "break", and sent it before I knew what I was doing.

And off I went to go back to work, with lead in my heart. Soon, I get a call. Well, I wasn't prepared for a rapid response, so I answered and asked if I could call him back later. He was confused to say the least. So, I hung up and scrambled to try to find some sort of reasonable explanation for my erratic behavior. I then received a text: I am waiting for you to have a break so we can talk about this. Uh Oh.....

So, I put my client under the dryer and dialed. He answered right away. I totally didn't know what to say, so I asked him to forget I ever sent it. And then I tried (in between sobs) to explain. The reason I tell this tale of complete lunacy, is I was given some amazing advice, from someone who probably should have given up on me long ago, but never has. He said, "I truly believe that in this journey you are on, your hardest obstacle will never be your weight, your food issues or the amount of working out you accomplish. I know without a shadow of a doubt, your hardest obstacle is your firm belief that you don't deserve to be happy. You have worked so hard to stay in the shadows, and not let yourself hope for happiness, that it has become en grained in your soul, that you don't deserve the same God given rights every human being has to be happy. You can re-write your chalk board here. You can be anyone you want to be and you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, if you will just give yourself permission to live the life you desire." (A lot more crying occurred after he told me these things)

But, it totally hit me at the core. He is right. I have done that for so long, that I don't know how to just be. I am always trying to figure out where the other shoe is, that will inevitably drop. I cannot fathom that I can actually have the life I so desperately desire, and until I start to believe it, I don't have a chance to succeed. I am so close to being free of this albatross of weight, I can taste it and if I don't work on my mindset it will all be for nothing. I have a LOT of work to do and it isn't at the gym. So, the moral of this complicated tale....NEVER send a text you have no idea what the ramifications will be. You might get more "Food for Thought" than you were ready to eat. I am so lucky to have someone who continues to fight for me even when I've given up on myself. Everyone should have a Todd. I tread on....