I'm SOOO Tired!!

So there is a new fun game in town my body is playing.....it's called sleep 2 or 3 hours a night and then wake up! What the hell? I am totally dragging around like a 90 year old senior citizen and I am simply out of ideas! Seriously folks, any suggestions would be appreciated. I can't take much more of thse cat naps. I would tread on.....but I'm too tired. YAWN.

I Freaking Did It!!

Well, I can't believe I get to blog about this today, but I do. My weight, for the first time since the 6th grade, begins with the number ONE!! Are you kidding me? Who is this girl? I got on the scale this morning and absolutely had a complete breakdown when the number 199.4 came up on the scale. I mean crying like a baby! I was so overwhelmed and happy and I actually took a picture of my scale and sent it to my trainer Todd. It was the most awesome thing that I have ever seen and I am still in shock. He text me back and called me a sneaker, because technically I wasn't supposed to weigh until Monday, but call me whatever you want, because I weigh 199.4 and that's all I have to say about that!! WHOOT HOO! Who would have ever thought that I could lose 155.5 lbs.? I didn't and I am so grateful for this experience, the good and the bad, because it's taught me so much about myself and what I can do. I am so happy today. I walked around all day with a silly grin on my face and I couldn't have washed it off if I tried. It was a good day. I tread on...

So Many Things To Talk About....So Little Blogging Time!!

So.....what to talk about?? First, I am happy to report after MANY tears and soul searching hours of despair, the FUNK IS GONE!!! WHOOT WOO!! I feel so much better. WHEW. It was a rough one, but I survived and I want to thank all my pals who let me bitch, moan and cry until I got it all out. I don't know what I would do in this life without my girlfriends and boy "friends"!

Second, while I was in my funk, it was suggested to me that I make a vision board to help me visualize my desire and wishes in this new year and I completed it and it ROCKS!! Every time I look at it I am reminded of what my life could be if I focus my energy on what I want and not about what I don't have or am afraid of not getting and it really makes me feel better. I think everyone should have one. It is AMAZING!! (BTW: yes that is a picture of Gerard Butler in the middle of it and yes I realize that it is a little out of my realm of possibility, but damnit a girl can dream right??)

Third, I have a few movie reviews to report on.

First, if you are all dying to see The Women that just came out on DVD.....umm.....you can take off your running shoes and stroll to get this one. All I can say is it is a tad slow until the last 30 minutes and then it is great!! The final scene in the labor room with Debra Messing is worth the whole movie and I almost peed a little!!

Yes Man is possibly one of the funniest movies I've seen in an age!! You must go and laugh your heads off at this absolutely ridiculous movie! Wear a depends pantie though!! I made a complete fool out of myself because I was giggling so hard!! AWESOME!! LOVED IT!!

Seven Pounds is the saddest movie I've seen possibly ever. Everyone was asking me today if it was good. I don't honestly know how to answer them. Powerful...yes. Riveting... absolutely. Award winning performance... without question. Sad...I was kicking myself for not having a min. of 7 tissues to get through this movie. And seeing Woody Harrelson in a movie again...... priceless!! I love that man! I always have and he is spectacular as Ezra. I guess my final answer would be, I think Will Smith is a genius and if you are a fan, which I ABSOLUTELY am, go see this movie. He is brilliant. Just bring a box of kleenex and maybe see your therapist for a happy booster before you go. The best part of going to this movie was hanging out with my pal Misty and her darling husband Mike. I love the Mayfield's!!

I am also happy to report that I am within 2 pounds of my ongoing goal to be a weight that begins with a ONE!! I am working my tushie off and I feel it today. I look like an old woman hobbling around, but I tread on......

Sometimes It Takes A Lot of Snow and COLD to Clear Your Head!

So, I am suffering from post New Year's blues. I admit it. I placed a lot of excitement in the New Year and frankly, it came and went with an....EGH. So, I have been in a funk for days. Not really sure what happened, but it came and I have not fared well. So, today was an especially sad day and I really couldn't take it. I went to my training appointment as I usually do on Mondays, and it literally took all I had not to have a total breakdown in front of Todd, again. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence for poor Todd and I PROMISED myself I wasn't going to do it in front of him again!! Call it a New Year's resolution if you must, but I was done being his "Sally Sap" client! So, I left the gym barely in tact and proceeded to make my day so horrible, that by the time I went back to the gym to do my cardio, I was a wreck! I got through it just in time to run into Todd, who had no idea I was teetering on the verge of a major breakdown, and he gave me a high 5 and went on his merry way. That was it. I left the gym and proceeded to make the decision to take a "break" from my training with him until I could get myself together. This seemed like a completely reasonable answer to my "pickle". So before I could think clearly, I sent him a text explaining my desperate need for a "break", and sent it before I knew what I was doing.

And off I went to go back to work, with lead in my heart. Soon, I get a call. Well, I wasn't prepared for a rapid response, so I answered and asked if I could call him back later. He was confused to say the least. So, I hung up and scrambled to try to find some sort of reasonable explanation for my erratic behavior. I then received a text: I am waiting for you to have a break so we can talk about this. Uh Oh.....

So, I put my client under the dryer and dialed. He answered right away. I totally didn't know what to say, so I asked him to forget I ever sent it. And then I tried (in between sobs) to explain. The reason I tell this tale of complete lunacy, is I was given some amazing advice, from someone who probably should have given up on me long ago, but never has. He said, "I truly believe that in this journey you are on, your hardest obstacle will never be your weight, your food issues or the amount of working out you accomplish. I know without a shadow of a doubt, your hardest obstacle is your firm belief that you don't deserve to be happy. You have worked so hard to stay in the shadows, and not let yourself hope for happiness, that it has become en grained in your soul, that you don't deserve the same God given rights every human being has to be happy. You can re-write your chalk board here. You can be anyone you want to be and you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, if you will just give yourself permission to live the life you desire." (A lot more crying occurred after he told me these things)

But, it totally hit me at the core. He is right. I have done that for so long, that I don't know how to just be. I am always trying to figure out where the other shoe is, that will inevitably drop. I cannot fathom that I can actually have the life I so desperately desire, and until I start to believe it, I don't have a chance to succeed. I am so close to being free of this albatross of weight, I can taste it and if I don't work on my mindset it will all be for nothing. I have a LOT of work to do and it isn't at the gym. So, the moral of this complicated tale....NEVER send a text you have no idea what the ramifications will be. You might get more "Food for Thought" than you were ready to eat. I am so lucky to have someone who continues to fight for me even when I've given up on myself. Everyone should have a Todd. I tread on....

The 13 Year Curse Is Broken.....So They Tell Me :)

So....went out for New Year's. Such fun! Well, what I can recall of it. I am ashamed to admit it, but I started out doing really well and then about 11:00pm to about 3:00am is...a total blank. OK, I enjoy a beverage called a Long Island Iced Tea. I know it packs a wallop, but usually I don't have that many. And, in my defense, I ONLY remember 2 of what I had, so, you will imagine my surprise when I woke up in my bed fully dressed @ 3am, wondering how in the crap I got there! I know, I can't believe I am even sharing this, because most of you will probably think I am a total drunk, but I only indulge on certain occasions and I was celebrating my accomplishments! So, when I woke up again at 11:00 am and found almost all of my belongings strewn around my house, I called my friends Kate and Amy to try to piece together the rest of my evening. (My mother, sadly, also had a bit to share of my homecoming!)

I apparently still continued to have a good time long after it was registering in my brain, and I was smart enough to go with good friends who watched out for me, even when my judgment was a wee bit impaired. Someday, if you want the full story, you'll have to call me because it is too humiliating to write down to post forever on my blog! The reason I even bring it up, is because my "Wingman" Chris, (Kate's brother-in-law) came through with his offer and I was kissed @ midnight! The 13 year curse was ended!! Yeah!! Here's the problem.....notice the time frame of my brain amnesia. I don't remember it in the slightest! Damnit!! So....Happy New Year to me! I tread on.....Here are a few pics, I took before I lost it completely!!

This is Amy and Michael, who stopped letting me order liquor and held my water so I wouldn't keep spilling it. She also made sure I paid my bill correctly and tipped appropriately. Thank goodness!!

This is Kate and her husband AJ. They safely got me home and made sure I figured out how to put my key in the door and didn't let me fall in the rose bushes. So embarrassing!!

These are some of my gym pals and clients @ the salon who got to witness all my glory moments! Oh My Lord!!

Yes, I am wearing my Eddie Bauer Sweater again! I love it and I love that I got to buy it in the first place, so I am wearing the crap out of it, until it is too big!! :)

Me and "The Smoocher" Chris. He is hilarious and I hope he is still speaking to me. I also had to apologize to a few of my friends for some interesting text messages I sent in that time frame as well. UGH.