My Endeavor Into The World Of Quilting....Not Bad For A Beginner!

So, I found a picture of the first quilt I ever made that started me down this road of sewing. I have to say, I think the matching shams were really the items that made my eyes "OPEN" to my obsession. I want you to know I created that sham pattern my very own self. Take that Miss "Not everyone Should Sew" Fowler! She just didn't see my potential when she was checking my gym bag and the zipper fell out...........OOPS! Take a look.

Gay Irish Dwarfs?

Really? I was just logging in to share and a title of a blog popped up entitled "Gay Irish Dwarfs". Now really, I consider myself a pretty open person (perhaps a bit naive, but open to most things) and I try extremely hard not to be judgemental.....really? The visual alone is worth a chuckle, and I would most heartedly if I hadn't just gotten home from the gym and had a session with my personal trainer. So, chuckling would require a bit more use of my abs than I have left. But, let's go back to the dwarfs for a second. Seriously?? Anyhoo, to each little homosexual their own. (I guess) So, I am on a quest, as you know.

Well, maybe no one knows. I don't have a real reader base, but it makes me feel like I have an outlet, so whatever, I say. But regardless, my quest continues. I am refocused. I am. Please believe me. It's true. I am eating better, I am working out and hating....I mean LOVING every minute of it and I am starting to feel like I have a routine again. WHEW!! I mean really, this life wouldn't be any stranger if I was watching it on VH1 after Rock of Love 2 or Flavor of Love 3. Yes, sad as it is to admit it, I watch all of those ridiculous shows. Frankly, it makes me feel like I am living a regular life compared to these people and I find that comforting. There I said it, now I can move on.

So, as I said, I am feeling a bit more "normal" these days. Slowly, ever slowly learning the ins and outs of the landscaping business. Who knew there were so many layers underneath the "surface" of the landscaping world? (Get It?) I didn't. I am constantly surprised how seriously people take their lawn care and maintenance. To me, the out of doors is simply the area between the air conditioned car and the air conditioned building. Nothing more. Just as pretty from a photo as in person. (People who are in my inner sanctum know this is really my philosophy) My one exception to this rule is the ocean. I can attest to many a sunburn from just needing 5 more minutes to stare at it's majesty. I am complete somehow when I can smell it and be near it. Now, I didn't say I wanted to be in it, however. I have little or no desire to actually be in the ocean. That is some thing's home and they want to touch, bite, sting, or be near me there and I want no part of that. WHATSOEVER!!

But, I digress. I just needed to share that I was feeling as though my panic attacks were waning and I was pleased. However, the full-time thing. YUCK! I am truly learning what quality time is. And there isn't much left of it. I am trying to adapt. I wish I were BORG. (a little star trek reference for those of you who actually have a life and don't watch much TV). I am getting old. I only have 6 more days of 35. UGH. I am not ready for dentures and depends. I tread on.

Struggling For...NORMAL??

I never EVER ever imagined at this time of my life I would be thrown into such a tailspin! This is really really hard! I can't even lie. I am absolutely over my head, emotionally and it sucks! I guess this is one of those character building exercises that can either make or break me and today, I am really getting a run for my money! I am sooo blessed in so many ways and I know life could be so much harder, but DAMN IT! (Sorry) I am glad the final episode of the Biggest Loser was on tonight. I needed a good cry (not a pity party) and some motivation. And, the good news is, it didn't disappoint! The best quote of the night..."If your mind and spirit are focused on your dreams, you cannot fail." I am going to unite my mind and spirit. This is my new mantra. I am writing this down so when I look back at this someday, I can read this and know the moment I set myself free. Cheesy, I know. But I don't care. I am going to defeat this weight. I am going to stop sabotaging myself and do this for me. I want to be the biggest loser. Not for money, but so I will never again be the biggest girl in the room. Someone asked me the other day what my goal weight was, and I honestly couldn't say. And then it came to me....my goal weight is when I feel healthy. When I can go into any store and I don't have to look for the "women's" department or the "plus size" section. I just look at the outfit and try it on. Period. I'm ready. I tread on.

So Much News.....So Little BLOG!

So.....I know you are all thinking.....ANYTHING NEW?? Well, my goodness, where to begin?? Let's see. I guess I better number them so I don't get confused. Here we go:

1. Lost my health insurance.


2. Prayed.


3. Spun into the pit of despair.


4. Tried to get new health insurance.


5. Prayed.


6. Was DENIED. Over and Over an Over......you get the picture. (Very Fun Process, by the way.)


7. Plunged back into despair.


8. Stopped working out.


9. Started eating recklessly.


10. Did you know there was a second basement in the pit of despair? I moved in (Temporarily.)


11. Prayed HARD!


12. Made a resume.


13. Faxed such resume out into the world hoping someone would see my potential. Had no idea really where they were going.


14. PRAYED REALLY HARD!


15. Went on a scary interview!


16. Prayed.


17. Went on another interview to a dermatology clinic. (Felt like they were checking out my moles during the interview. TOO MUCH PRESSURE!)


18. Prayed.


19. Got temporary insurance. WHEW!


20. Felt pressure to figure life out ease for a moment.


21. Went on another interview to a landscaping company. Was unusually calm and direct in a confident way. (Not my strong suit really-confidence!)


22. Was offered a job.


23. Peed my pants (a little)


24. Asked if I could have the day-because I panicked. (SAD)


25. Made a pros and cons list and prayed.


26. Asked everyone I could think of for their advice against the advice of my sister Kate (sorry Kate.)


27. Took the job! WHAT??


28. Prayed and said thank you.


29. Got INSURANCE!!


30. Had to say goodbye to all of my clients and friends at my job. The hardest thing I've ever done. I clearly wasn't ready to say goodbye.


31. Told the owners of the salon I was leaving.


32. Waited for the "Thanks for all you've done!"speech, the "We'll miss you so much and don't know what we'll ever do without you," talk where we would cry and hug and I would know without a doubt that all my blood, sweat and tears that I donated to make Hollywood on Vine the best I could possibly make it, was worth it......


33. I'm still waiting.


34. I cried some more.


35. If I wasn't sure of my decision before, that cemented it for me.


36. I started my new job. (Peed a little)


37. Making new friends.


38. Had a small breakdown on Friday.


39. Survived my first week at Rasmussen Landscapes.


40. Prayed some more.

I am learning more everyday. I am back "on the wagon" with food and exercise. (Thank Goodness) I am learning to be grateful for the little things and trying to learn patience. I am learning alot about lawns, weeds, snow removal, flowers, etc. It is a very different world. But I am trying.....ever trying.

I will succeed. I hope. My faith is slowly returning. I have 15 pounds to go before the 100 mark. I am fighting for 1 pound at a time. My trainer has had her hands full this last month. I love her so. I tread on.....

OH! My cousin got engaged! I am soooo happy for her! YEAH BUGS!! XXX OOO