I Miss My Dad

I miss having a Dad. Even though when he was alive, we didn't always get along, I miss so many things about him. I miss his laughter, his sense of humor, the way he would dance around the room doing his fifties doo wap dance moves when we were little. I loved watching movies with him because he wanted to know what happened 5 minutes into it and drove me crazy asking questions. I loved walking over to the Artic Circle with him to have our "Daddy Daughter" outings. I miss finding him the perfect gift for my Mom and then watching him take the credit for it and knowing Mom knew I picked it out. I miss his outrageous handwriting on a note usually apologizing for something he had done. I even miss waking up out of a dead sleep because he had set the alarm on me when he left for work and running upstairs before it quit beeping. I regret so many things about our complicated relationship. I was his "cross to bear" a lot of the time because he had passed on his stubborness to me and I was determined to always be right in our arguments. We were much more alike than I ever realized, because I spent so much time being mad at him. I just didn't realize what he was going through and how truly ill he was. I was too busy being disappointed because he wasn't what I thought he should be. I have had many great talks with him since he died. They are very productive because he doesn't get to say anything.

Seeing my Dad again is one of my greatest wishes in life, so I can tell him I love him so much. I pray all the time that this isn't the end for us. I would love a do-over with him to get it right the next time. Maybe we will. This father's day was especially hard for me, because Tim Russert passed away. He was the pollitical analyst for NBC News. One of the many things my Dad and I had in common was we both loved the pollitical process and really got into the presidential elections. Now granted, we were polar opposites of the spectrum in our belief systems, but really loved the process. Tim Russert was a staple for us to watch together as we debated the issues and I never really realized what a connection he was for my Dad, until I watched all of the tributes for this lovely man who died too soon. My Dad died too soon also. I always try to find something to learn from death and the one constant I always find is, you just never know when someone will go. So, don't wait until tomorrow to let people know you love them, because they may be gone. So, on this father's day as the world remembers all the dads that make us laugh, cry, scream and smile.......I miss you Dad. Thank you for all the gifts you gave me that I probably didn't appreciate at the time. I do now and I know what I miss the very most about you.....your hugs for a little girl that needed one. Today would be that day. I love you. I tread on.

This was one of our really good days.