I Want To Be 212 Degrees All The Time!!

So, I've been in a funk for a couple of weeks. No surprise there for anyone that has the pleasure of being around me....ugh. I've been trying to find the lesson that I am supposed to learn in this latest life altering experience I've been through......Haven't been able to.......until Wednesday. I was complaining, AGAIN, to my poor trainer Todd (Sorry Todd) and he said something that really clicked in for me. (Really....everyone should have a Todd) Anyway, he said that he thought the lesson I needed to learn was, that I needed to find happiness completely in me. Stop looking for it in others and when life throws you a curve ball, as it seems to do for me lately on a regular basis, to appreciate the feelings, but be content in just being me. LIGHT BULB!! OK. I get it. Whew. Then my pal Jeff, who manages my 24hr. Fitness gym, gave me a book to read that same day. It is called 212 Degrees. It is a small book about 70 pages and it is an inspirational book about kicking up your life just 1 degree and the HUGE impact it can make on your life and those who share your life. The basic principle is, 211 degrees, water is hot....212 degrees water boils, which causes steam, which can run a locomotive engine. In short....this book rocked my world!! The theory is soo simple and yet, so profound. I want to live a 212 degree life!! I am seeing results from this way of living already and it is Friday morning. Todd asked me yesterday, why I was glowing. I laughed a little and told him it was because I was sweating, but he said I just looked different and sounded different. I thought about it and then I remembered I had said to myself that morning, you are going to be happy today and make a difference. I guess I did feel different. I have just tried to be more aware of my behavior and my actions and have tried a little harder, or worked a little longer and I am already feeling my life take on a whole different path. I am so excited to see what happens next!! So, I want everyone to read this book. You can get in online and there is also a movie you can watch that gives you a little in site into what it is all about. I am hopefully going to be able to post the YouTube link so you can watch it, but I am still learning how to do that, so I hope it works. See for yourself what I mean. I tread on.....a little better.....

WANTED.....An Old Fashioned Blind Date!

Here's the thing.....I HATE online dating!! It is ridiculous. It just isn't for me. I need my friends, namely You that are reading this, to help me out of this online world! Open your eyes and ears people and find me someone to date. I am serious. Remember back when all of you were dating a thousand years ago?? You met someone nice.....thought of a friend who they would get along with......and gave them their phone number?? This is my request. I know you can do it. There is someone at the office, church, supermarket, favorite sporting goods store, Dr.'s office, or a mailman perhaps, that you've met or will meet, that might make a good match for me. I know this might seem odd to request a blind date on a blog, but why not?? I don't want to deal with all the drama of the witness protection dating sites, like eharmony, or all the men from other countries that need a visa from match.com and don't even get me started on the free matching websites.....good Lord. I want someone sweet, funny and cute, preferably with a job, their own transportation and maybe not a felon. They can have kids, I would be a great step mom! And....because of my recent dating experience, I have discovered a certain liking of riding Harley Davidson motorcycles.....not a deal breaker if they don't have one, but I enjoy that as well. I'm just throwing it out there! So, I'm asking. If you meet anyone that you see potential for a match for me, let me know. I can't take this new way of meeting people much longer.....I am beginning to think I was meant to be single. I tread on.....

So...what to do when you have life throw you a curve ball??

I have to say, 2009 has definitely been a roller coaster ride for me. WHEW! I am exhausted and it is only February 12th. There have been a lot of awesome moments and others...well....let's just say have tested my limits. But, I have to say that with all that has gone on, one thing I can say for definite certainty is I am blessed with a wonderful, albeit nutty family and absolutely fantastic lovely friends, who love me and support me in all my moments holding "the crazy stick!" So, let me catch my breath and give you a little recap.....WHEW. So, started out the year bummed. Didn't see much changing for the new year and I was annoyed. Well, be careful what you wish for. Then I met Rich. Well, sort of. We met on Facebook through a friend and for 2 weeks, I was in frustrated happy land because he lived in California. Ok. So I went for a visit. It fizzled. Ok. Came home, and was beaten by the "crazy stick" for a week while I tried to figure out what went wrong. Then, I let it go. Had to, before the restraining order was issued. But, a few of my friends did point out that I was going through what most teenagers do when they go through a break up, I just happened to be going through it at age 36. So, I felt a little better about my erratic behavior. BTW, I am doing much better now, thanks for checking. Then, I decided to have a free for all weekend, to get over my broken heart. And I did!! Whew Nelly! There are many photos on Facebook scrap booking all of my drunken moments! But, I needed to cut loose and I did! (Sorry Mom) It was a lot of late evenings of me stumbling in! I loved it!! Here's the problem....I gained 4 pounds and then couldn't get back into regular life. It was like becoming a crack whore all over again. UGH. Then, I went to a mini reunion of Murray High Gals. It was fun to see everyone again. But, I have to say as we were going around the table catching everyone up, I got a little intimidated and I started to feel like I did when I was in High School. They were truly sweet all of them, but it happened just the same. UGH. I don't know why it happened. Luckily, I was sitting by one of my pals Misty,

who I reconnected with awhile back, and she totally jumped in and told everyone my story and made me remember who I really am. She told them about my weight loss success, about rebuilding my business, my travels I had gone on, and she was my champion. I love her. Seriously, I really jumped right back into my 16 year old heavy girl mode, and before I knew it I had eaten everything in sight and I was shrinking into the chair. It was truly ridiculous. These ladies couldn't have been nicer to me and I was doing a real number on myself, without help from anyone else. SO.....then we went to see the movie....He's Just Not That Into You...after dinner. Now, normally I am all over a chick flick, but, I was still a little raw from the break up, so perhaps this wasn't the best choice for little old me to see. It wasn't. I cried a little during this comedy and I am not a soft cryer, so it was a lot of work not to make a sound.

Now, please don't think I am looking for pity here. I'm not. I am ok. And, after a pretty big freak out in front of my trainer, I like to call him "Poor Todd" these days because I am a lot to handle, I have started to regroup. I had a mostly good food day yesterday, and I got 2 killer workouts in and I am on the road to well ville. I just need to get through Valentine's Day with all the delicious sugar cookies and I think I'm set. The reason I am over sharing my story, is I feel the need to say Thank you to all my pals who have let me cry.......ALOT.......over the last 2 weeks and haven't given up on me. They have just let me do, say, feel, experience and bitch to my heart's content and they have hugged, loved, listened intently and NEVER brushed me off as I ranted and sobbed over the silliest things. As I heal, which I am, I am ever reminded of the many blessings I have. Most of them are my friends. So, if you are near or far, I adore you. If you are new or old, I cherish you and I am thankful. I love you all!! I am finally treading on.....

I'm SOOO Tired!!

So there is a new fun game in town my body is playing.....it's called sleep 2 or 3 hours a night and then wake up! What the hell? I am totally dragging around like a 90 year old senior citizen and I am simply out of ideas! Seriously folks, any suggestions would be appreciated. I can't take much more of thse cat naps. I would tread on.....but I'm too tired. YAWN.

I Freaking Did It!!

Well, I can't believe I get to blog about this today, but I do. My weight, for the first time since the 6th grade, begins with the number ONE!! Are you kidding me? Who is this girl? I got on the scale this morning and absolutely had a complete breakdown when the number 199.4 came up on the scale. I mean crying like a baby! I was so overwhelmed and happy and I actually took a picture of my scale and sent it to my trainer Todd. It was the most awesome thing that I have ever seen and I am still in shock. He text me back and called me a sneaker, because technically I wasn't supposed to weigh until Monday, but call me whatever you want, because I weigh 199.4 and that's all I have to say about that!! WHOOT HOO! Who would have ever thought that I could lose 155.5 lbs.? I didn't and I am so grateful for this experience, the good and the bad, because it's taught me so much about myself and what I can do. I am so happy today. I walked around all day with a silly grin on my face and I couldn't have washed it off if I tried. It was a good day. I tread on...

So Many Things To Talk About....So Little Blogging Time!!

So.....what to talk about?? First, I am happy to report after MANY tears and soul searching hours of despair, the FUNK IS GONE!!! WHOOT WOO!! I feel so much better. WHEW. It was a rough one, but I survived and I want to thank all my pals who let me bitch, moan and cry until I got it all out. I don't know what I would do in this life without my girlfriends and boy "friends"!

Second, while I was in my funk, it was suggested to me that I make a vision board to help me visualize my desire and wishes in this new year and I completed it and it ROCKS!! Every time I look at it I am reminded of what my life could be if I focus my energy on what I want and not about what I don't have or am afraid of not getting and it really makes me feel better. I think everyone should have one. It is AMAZING!! (BTW: yes that is a picture of Gerard Butler in the middle of it and yes I realize that it is a little out of my realm of possibility, but damnit a girl can dream right??)

Third, I have a few movie reviews to report on.

First, if you are all dying to see The Women that just came out on DVD.....umm.....you can take off your running shoes and stroll to get this one. All I can say is it is a tad slow until the last 30 minutes and then it is great!! The final scene in the labor room with Debra Messing is worth the whole movie and I almost peed a little!!

Yes Man is possibly one of the funniest movies I've seen in an age!! You must go and laugh your heads off at this absolutely ridiculous movie! Wear a depends pantie though!! I made a complete fool out of myself because I was giggling so hard!! AWESOME!! LOVED IT!!

Seven Pounds is the saddest movie I've seen possibly ever. Everyone was asking me today if it was good. I don't honestly know how to answer them. Powerful...yes. Riveting... absolutely. Award winning performance... without question. Sad...I was kicking myself for not having a min. of 7 tissues to get through this movie. And seeing Woody Harrelson in a movie again...... priceless!! I love that man! I always have and he is spectacular as Ezra. I guess my final answer would be, I think Will Smith is a genius and if you are a fan, which I ABSOLUTELY am, go see this movie. He is brilliant. Just bring a box of kleenex and maybe see your therapist for a happy booster before you go. The best part of going to this movie was hanging out with my pal Misty and her darling husband Mike. I love the Mayfield's!!

I am also happy to report that I am within 2 pounds of my ongoing goal to be a weight that begins with a ONE!! I am working my tushie off and I feel it today. I look like an old woman hobbling around, but I tread on......

Sometimes It Takes A Lot of Snow and COLD to Clear Your Head!

So, I am suffering from post New Year's blues. I admit it. I placed a lot of excitement in the New Year and frankly, it came and went with an....EGH. So, I have been in a funk for days. Not really sure what happened, but it came and I have not fared well. So, today was an especially sad day and I really couldn't take it. I went to my training appointment as I usually do on Mondays, and it literally took all I had not to have a total breakdown in front of Todd, again. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence for poor Todd and I PROMISED myself I wasn't going to do it in front of him again!! Call it a New Year's resolution if you must, but I was done being his "Sally Sap" client! So, I left the gym barely in tact and proceeded to make my day so horrible, that by the time I went back to the gym to do my cardio, I was a wreck! I got through it just in time to run into Todd, who had no idea I was teetering on the verge of a major breakdown, and he gave me a high 5 and went on his merry way. That was it. I left the gym and proceeded to make the decision to take a "break" from my training with him until I could get myself together. This seemed like a completely reasonable answer to my "pickle". So before I could think clearly, I sent him a text explaining my desperate need for a "break", and sent it before I knew what I was doing.

And off I went to go back to work, with lead in my heart. Soon, I get a call. Well, I wasn't prepared for a rapid response, so I answered and asked if I could call him back later. He was confused to say the least. So, I hung up and scrambled to try to find some sort of reasonable explanation for my erratic behavior. I then received a text: I am waiting for you to have a break so we can talk about this. Uh Oh.....

So, I put my client under the dryer and dialed. He answered right away. I totally didn't know what to say, so I asked him to forget I ever sent it. And then I tried (in between sobs) to explain. The reason I tell this tale of complete lunacy, is I was given some amazing advice, from someone who probably should have given up on me long ago, but never has. He said, "I truly believe that in this journey you are on, your hardest obstacle will never be your weight, your food issues or the amount of working out you accomplish. I know without a shadow of a doubt, your hardest obstacle is your firm belief that you don't deserve to be happy. You have worked so hard to stay in the shadows, and not let yourself hope for happiness, that it has become en grained in your soul, that you don't deserve the same God given rights every human being has to be happy. You can re-write your chalk board here. You can be anyone you want to be and you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, if you will just give yourself permission to live the life you desire." (A lot more crying occurred after he told me these things)

But, it totally hit me at the core. He is right. I have done that for so long, that I don't know how to just be. I am always trying to figure out where the other shoe is, that will inevitably drop. I cannot fathom that I can actually have the life I so desperately desire, and until I start to believe it, I don't have a chance to succeed. I am so close to being free of this albatross of weight, I can taste it and if I don't work on my mindset it will all be for nothing. I have a LOT of work to do and it isn't at the gym. So, the moral of this complicated tale....NEVER send a text you have no idea what the ramifications will be. You might get more "Food for Thought" than you were ready to eat. I am so lucky to have someone who continues to fight for me even when I've given up on myself. Everyone should have a Todd. I tread on....