I'm Over It Today!!

I'm Tired!!

This picture really captures my mood today! I am just tired. There is no other explanation for my love affair with my bed today. I just have no "get up and go" and I have loads to do! I think my gym life is catching up with me. But, I can see the other side of the rainbow, so I've got to keep going. Where is the Energizer Bunny when you need him? I can remember a time when I had no energy for a totally different reason. UGH. I've got to pull it together here. My upcoming week is crazy and I've got no time to delay.....maybe I'll feel up to all my activities after a small nap.......That sounds yummy. I'll tread on......in a bit. :)

5K Mania Continues......

So, this new life I'm leading.....who is she? This girl has made exercise a PRIORITY and feels guilty when she misses one of her 2 a days!! This girl actively tries to add VEGETABLES to her diet and is trying new low fat recipes everyday! This girl has 2 blind dates set up in the next month.......WHAT? I haven't been on a "date" since 1995! (Sad, but true) This girl did her 7th 5K of the season and shaved off another 5 & 1/2 minutes off her best time and RAN every 2 minutes throughout the entire thing! (This girl took a serious nap after!!)

I can honestly say, I don't recognize who I am becoming and just have to go with the flow everyday, to see where it takes me. I can't plan too far ahead, because frankly, I scare myself to death. I don't know how to be me sometimes. I don't even know if this makes sense, but when you've lived most of your life for others, because you didn't believe true satisfaction and happiness was within your reach, these feelings of hope and joy, are a foreign language. My trainers have been telling me for almost a year, that I was capable of these feelings, but I honestly haven't believed them. It was too much to wish for. Hope is a dangerous thing in my life. My poor trainer Todd never knows who is going to sit across from him, because my coping mechanism of over eating has been eliminated from my life, so I am just living "raw" all the time and can pretty much cry on cue. I'm hoping in the coming year, I will be better able to deal with the little tragedies that come up in life better. My sadness over them seem to be a little shorter, so I am hopeful. Yoga is my new idea for helping my stress level.

The reason I post today is, I am so terribly grateful for all of my experiences this year, good and bad. I have learned some extremely valuable lessons, that have transformed my life in immeasurable ways. I am so grateful for the old friends who have come back into my life, the new friends I have added to my "core" group this year, the friends who continue to show me what true friendship really means and for my family who don't quite know what to do with me, frankly, and love me anyway. I don't have any idea where my life is taking me on this wacky journey, but one thing is for sure.....the old me is finally at peace with herself and is watching intently to see where the new me leads her. 125 and counting....I tread on.

Another Lifetime Ago :) 355 lbs.

An Unexpected Surprise!

So, my pal Stacy started using Facebook and emailed me about looking at her Facebook page. Seemed easy enough, so I agreed. But, in order to look at her profile, I had to join Facebook. UGH. I have so may things I have to constantly keep up on, I just didn't have any interest in "joining" another way to connect, because it wasn't relevant in my life. But, I had told her I would look, so I did it. What the?? Then, my dear long lost friend Kari passed away, and I was left with this tug at my heart about all these friends I had lost track of soo many years ago. It is interesting how Heavenly Father works through others to help you find what is missing. I have had the most wonderful thing happen. I have reconnected with soo many lost friends on Facebook! It is fantastic and even though we have aged.....my memories are as vivid as if they were yesterday and all these people who meant so much to me long ago, are BACK! Yeah!! I have had a ball starting to catch up and see where lives have taken them and I have to say...they all look great!! It may be the happiness of these reunions that is clouding my judgment, but they do and I am thrilled to know what has happened and for once, I am actually looking forward to my 20th reunion that is approaching faster than I care to admit. This year has been such a roller coaster ride. It is hard to believe it is almost over. I am left with hard lessons learned, regret, overwhelming joy and happy times I didn't think were possible. 2008 has been a definite year to remember. I am so grateful for so many things, but one thing is for sure. There is always room for more friends in my life and heart. Thanks Stacy! I tread on.....

My Childhood Friend......Kari Lynn Howard Remembered

I was having just a normal everyday Wednesday yesterday, when I received a very sad phone call. It was a long lost friend I hadn't talked to since high school. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from her, but it was only a moment. I asked how she was doing and she said, "Not very good" and started to cry. I was stunned to learn a friend who I've known my whole life practically, had passed away in her sleep yesterday morning. Kari Howard, truly one of my favorite high school friends, who was sweet and funny and genuine, had been struggling with severe migraines and had had surgery the day before to relieve her pain, had gone to sleep Tuesday night and her father couldn't wake her the next morning. I felt so sad for Heather, my other high school friend, because she and Kari had remained close, and for Kari's girls. She had a 10 year old and a 6 year old. I also felt sad for me. I felt sad that so much time had gone by and I have let so many friendships that were so crucial to my emotional state in school, go as soon as our graduation gowns were taken off. I truly loved Kari when we were in school and she was a friendship I cherished. But, time got away from me as it does so often and life takes you in different directions. High School was very hard for me. It was a place I struggled to fit in. It was a place where kids could be cruel and a lot of us misfits just wanted to survive. I graduated and ran as fast as I could away. I have many regrets about the friendships I also left behind. Because, even though it was a very hard place to be, I had some really wonderful experiences there too and had some amazing friendships, as well. So, as I say goodbye to Kari, my hope is I learn from her and maybe try harder to reconnect with some of those wonderful people I survived high school with. I hope all the ghosts of Murray High are finally buried for me and it isn't too late for happy new beginnings. I believe there are still good times to be had with old friends. Goodbye Kari. God bless your way. I tread on.......

What's on my Happy List Today?

I am a total thief with this one, but I love it so thanks Misty and Andrea! I woke up this morning happy. So, before I stepped out into the world and someone pissed me off or stepped on my toe...you get the picture...I wanted to appreciate the mood!

1. I am leaving tomorrow for a cruise!! Whoot Whoo!!
2. I've lost an additional 2 pounds that were unexpected!! 113 and 87 to go. My pal Amy Just started with my trainer and she lost 4.5 lbs. in the first week!! I am so proud of her I could bust something! Go Todd....Go Todd!!
3. I have the greatest, most wonderful, most beautiful (inside and out) friends a girl could ask for, and I love each and everyone of them dearly. I am soo blessed.
4. I love my job! I really do and I love where I work too, which hasn't been the case in the past. Even with the really complicated women I work with. I love each of them for who they are and we seem to make a good fit.
5. I have a lovely family, even though I am convinced we are all nuts! I am finally in a good place with each of them and I love it!!
6. My baby sister surprised me last night with a mini makeover at her house, just because she knew I wanted one and didn't have time to go to the mall. So cute, I almost cried a little.
7. My toes are painted a smashing color of pink with little flowers on them. The color is called La Pazatively Hot and they are!!
8. I am already packed. (Not a small miracle, I can assure you!)
9. I am going to the funnest piano bar tonight to start my trip off with a bang!
10. My new pixie cut is SUPER CUTE!! Thanks Karen!! :)

I am so blessed. I forget that sometimes and it is a tragedy really, because I think I am missing out on some really good blubbery happy cries and smiles. I really need to remember this fact, because there are so many people that have it so much harder than me and I am such a whiner sometimes!! One of my resolutions (early) for next year. Anyhoo, one more day of work and then....let the party begin!! Halla!! FYI: this is my newest and favorite quote from my all time favorite show.....The Biggest Loser. "You are one breath away from being ANYTHING you want to be....stop holding it!!" I love Jillian, even though I would kill myself if she were my trainer. I am ready to exhale. I tread on....

Final Pre-Cruise Tally.......

Well, I leave for my "skinny cruise" on Saturday. I cannot believe it is finally here!! I have worked so hard and I wish this year hadn't been so stressful and I could have accomplished EXACTLY what I wanted to, but, I am very happy with my results. I weighed in for the final tally this morning and the final number before I step on the ship is.......111 lbs! I am very happy with that. I truly feel like a different person in a lot of ways and the same in others, but I don't think I will be the biggest girl in the room anymore, unless I am at an anorexia convention, so I am glad!! I can't wait to post when I get back!! Hopefully, I will have had sooo many new adventures, that I will have loads to share. I appreciate all of my friends and family who have supported my quest, and I am excited to see what happens next......Stay tuned. :)

Here Comes The Bride.....

Want to see what I did this weekend?

My gorgeous cousin Eileen got married on the beach in Florida! Oh my gosh, she was stunning!! My cousin that was never going to get married......HA! It was so much fun to see everyone and catch up! It was a quick weekend, but well worth the trip! Besides the fact I almost starved to death, because if there is one thing my family does well, it is eat and they know how to do it right~~Good Lord do they ever!! Here are a few pics of the wedding and the fam.

I love them all so much!!

This is me in my cute kind of "trampy" dress that showed off a little too much of my "girls" and my adorable cousin Becca who I refer to as "Trucker Jane" because let's just say she's got a bit of a potty mouth. I love her!! :)

This was the gazebo she as married on right on the beach! Soooo Dreamy a Local!

Can you imagine a more romantic spot??

The limo dropped them off to walk down the aisle. Such fun and my aunt was a total knockout!!

Sooo beautiful!

My aunt who just isn't sentimental was crying like a baby! It was adorable!!

This is my 2nd cousin Avery who is the cutest little kid I've ever seen! She is so stinkin' cute!! She stole the show!! Watching my cousin Jay with her made me cry. He is such a great dad!

This is her Daddy my cousin Jay. I adore him!! He and I are only 3 months apart in age and just about every story about our childhood together starts with....do you remember when you and Jay got into trouble doing this??

Me and Jay.

Me and Mama. Oh....look the "girls" are coming out of the dress again! My bad!! I had such a great time except for the starving part. Let me show you what I lived on for 4 days.....

Yum-O! UGH!!